Now it happens very quick!
Shh don't tell anyone but I'm quite sick!

All the pins drop and the clocks all tick.
Everything comes crashing down on everyone but me.

Oh can't they see my ***** little secret?
It leaves scars that nobody ever seems to see!

Everything I say is uninspiring and redundant;
I used to be able to string words together
until they interlaced into something beautiful
but now the words can't seem to reach my mouth.

I'm paralyzed.
That's the only word to describe it;
paralyzed.

When you try to inhale but you can't.
When you try to move on but you can't.
When you give it your everything,
but you simply, *******, can't.

So life now consists of the little things,
negative thoughts and self-medication,
bad habits and self-mutilation;
sometimes bloodied,
sometimes bruised,
sometimes both.

And I won't pretend to know anything because
ignorance is kinder on damaged hearts.

But I called to God and he didn't answer.

I’m getting used to wearing sleeves again
Some hearts I draw were never meant to mend
It takes two to love, it takes two to hurt
It takes the whole world and more to gracefully lose

i haven't let
a blade
dance upon my wrist
in months

but now it aches
and it feels like
i'm coming home

sleeping with self destruction

In the middle of the night,
Picking fights with life
My hands, paralyzed
I can't unlock the door
No air coming through
My veins, closing in
Tears on my cheeks
Can't keep focus
Where's the door
and do I want to let you in
My vision, a blur
A voice in my head
Telling me I'm dead
A loud booming from somewhere
The door seems so far
I feel a wetness in my hair, on my body, everywhere
My heart, imploding
If only I could find the door
Find a light or let you in
The walls, they're closing in
No air
Your eyes, your hands, they won't go away
I'm stuck in place
Can't push you away
All I hear is a far away hammer
Eyes squeezed shut
Can't watch what happens next
My lungs, I feel them failing
From the screaming or from the bleeding
A clawing at my throat
Begging me for breath
The door isn't there
Where is the door
I can't die
My feet start kicking
There's a pain
Like electric and like a kick in the gut
No more kicking
My hands, still useless
My eyes see dots
Can't find air
Can't find the door
Your smile
Your face coming closer
Before everything goes red
Oh god I'm dying
Keep kicking
A swoosh of wind
Finally I feel the air
But I choke
Oh god he broke me
I hear over the booming
    it'll be okay, you don't have to stay
And I so I stop trying
There's no light
There is nothing

the razors were her best friends
the only source of control of the pain she endured.
her hair was falling out
her skin , pale as the snowy grounds of December.
no one ever cared
until they day she wore short sleeves and everyone got scared