I'm lost in the depths of my own mind,
suffocating under the weight of my thoughts.
Reality is distorted,
truth and lies are intertwined.
Every moment feels like a ticking time bomb,
waiting to unleash its destruction.
I'm paralyzed by the fear of being hurt again.
You're a potential threat,
a risk I'm not willing to take.
I scrutinize your every move,
waiting for the inevitable mistake.
But beneath this façade of self preservation,
a voice whispers the painful truth:
I'm the one who's broken, I'm the one who's afraid.
The ghosts of the past still haunt me,
their echoes reverberating through my soul.
I'm trapped in this cycle of fear,
pushing away anyone who dares to get close.
I'm convinced I'm better off alone,
safe behind the walls I've built.
Yet, in this isolation,
I'm drowning in my own despair,
longing for connection,
but terrified of the vulnerability it requires.
This self imposed exile is a double edged sword.
It protects me from the pain of rejection,
but also denies me the warmth of human connection.
I'm a master of deflection,
disguising my fear as indifference.
I'll push you away, test your resolve,
and measure your love by the distance
you're willing to travel.
But what if you stay?
What if you see beyond the armor I've crafted,
beyond the scars and the fears?
What if you touch the fragile heart beating beneath?
The thought sends shivers down my spine.
For vulnerability is a risk I've never been willing to take.
Yet, the possibility tantalizes me,
It's like a siren's call to the depths of my soul.
In this tug of war between heart and head,
I'm torn asunder.
And a part of me yearns to surrender,
to let go of the controls and freefall into the unknown.
Another part clings to the familiar,
the comfort of solitude, the certainty of pain.
And so I hover,
suspended between two worlds,
unsure which path to choose.
For the silence in here is deafening,
mirroring a reflection of the war raging within me.
