The quiet ache in the pit
is not only because I want you
but because a part of me recognizes
that it needs you.

Your eyes will never know me
but mine softly glow for you
as undying emeralds
cut from your light.

Oh misery,
oh my,
oh my—

Why do you
follow me around?

In my soul,
in my hair,
I see you everywhere.

Each day
feels like a slog
when I know you’re around.

Oh misery,
oh my,
oh my.

I only said it once
At lunch,

You didn’t ask,
But my mouth was tired of swallowing
Things with your name in them.

“It wasn’t just a thought,” I said.
“It happened.”
And I think I smiled,
Not exactly out of joy,
But because your silence felt heavy.

You looked at me like a painting hung upside-down, sideways.
I almost asked if you still liked the wine I have chosen out for you.
But you already “went to the restroom”

So I rinsed the glass
And called it a perfect day.

Scathing reality
Humbled by hunger
Unsated I perish
Promises shattered
Bustling with dreams now hollow a hive
Am I doing enough to survive?

A prisoner
of my own desire,

balancing
the slippery *****.

“This time I’ll be better”
I say -

Unknowing
of what lies ahead.

Weeks go by,
the urge returns.

I must do something fun,
something to numb the pain.

And now -
the snake eats its tail.

i dont like the feelings you give me
like discarded gifts with ripped wrapping paper,
a "sorry" and a promise for more later.
anger builds like a carpenter early in the morning
restructuring and stabilizing walls i put up
for people like you, and i knew but here i am.
always relying on the world outside myself
to lend a hand. and *******, can i breathe please?
suffocating on everything you think i should be
where's the spiritual audit?
where's karma?
where's the righteous accounting for being everything i said i was, for not doing the things you think i did, and for not dying.
no cameras to show how ****** up this all is,
no one to hold my hand tightly as they say what i really needed to hear two years ago:
NOT THIS ONE.

I’m trying my best not to pull away when i feel unwanted, but i feel gravity pulling me by my arm

Even as i dig my heels into the rugged ground to try and stay

I can feel the string that tethers us try to fray

I keep re-tying the knot

Over.. and over.. again

I want to stay

Please help me feel that way

Static hums in the pillow
then the groan of seams,
a wet thread snapping between ribs.
The wound’s slow syllable.

Sheets stiffen into shrouds,
crackling down the spine.
My pulse taps Morse:
"Which death wears its twin’s name?"

First the architect. Then the nail.
Gravity dissolves at the wrist.
The chandelier suspends its fall,
reassembling—each prism
a sob swallowed by its own light.

The banished return, trailing
burnt hair and tarnished silver.
The dead rise in their finest suits,
only to melt into origami.

Curator of almosts:
the kiss that drowned at the door,
the apology lodged in my windpipe.
Even remorse unwinds here,
plucking its feathers one by one.

Dawn presses its thumb
against the window.
I let it rot.

The truest country?
This room where the wallpaper
peels into a mouth of no one.

Sleep is not escape
just the needle’s eye
where memory pulls its thread.

Dare me to wake.
The night bends, but never breathes.

Met you on Thursday,

‘Cause it was the heart day.

You don’t not like so —

Sushi — my type.

For every date, is there anything you’d bite?

Sushi body —
You must like it, right?

Night-long calls,

Somebody’s sleeping tight.

Stories flying high, I rambled on —

The sky my stage,

From page to page.

You must have listened,

Eyes that glow...

Turns out you dozed off long ago.

An EDM show,

A rap girl could try,

The boyfriend — surely I called you mine.

Sat on the shoulders, I do like —

Lovely and muscular!

Same kind of kandi,

But with different colors.

So… can we even get closer?

Got you as my PT,

Promised I’ll never get thinner.

How can I just come to realize I’m not her?

Owned my PT,

My PT likes onnanoko —

Nyotaimori…

Indika shows with DJs we know,

For somehow, we both like Nicky Romero.

Should I go ask him,

Where’s my Romeo?

He plays music,

I got played in your show.

It’s all over,

Indika permanently closed.

Latest post of garage items to be sold.

Separated,

As if we’d never got involved —

Isn’t that easy?

Why can’t I even let it go?

So after all,

Things are now undeniable.

Your hobbies run

As rhythm in my veins —

Up and down,

Echoing my spine.

Countless nights

Wondering why, under ceiling stars,

Your snoring mocked my lonely scars.

I’d rather trade that lo-fi lullaby —

Than this silence

That makes me cry.

You had your ways,

I’d still comply.

Changed my colors,

I’ve always tried!

Finally through the rain,

My tears shed.

She is now

That your rainbow.

I have no idea where to go,

Have a sip at Yoyo?

Our all-time drink:

Mixed Coca-Cola and Strongbow?

No more rides

Around the turtle (lake)!

I feel Hollow.
Barren.
Empty.

That hollowness erodes my body,
leaving a trail of decay.
Cracks crawl through my brittle bones,
shattering my skull,
fragmenting my thoughts.

A carmine-colored river floods into my caving lungs,
before dragging itself up my throat.
The metallic taste slowly overwhelms my mouth,
and seeps through my gapped teeth.
My glass smile falls and shatters.

Terror grips what was once my voice,
holding sound captive-
my call for help erased by despair.
Only strangled sobs exist.
I'm left choking on my own life force.

Each sob collects upon my face;
a veil of tears cover my broken visage.
Shrouding me from prying eyes that encompass judgemental gazes.

Without even seeing,
their stares spear my soul and blacken my heart.
The forgotten, grayed ash
smothers out all that remains.

My rotted husk: a void, a dismal skeleton.
A vast emptiness that nothing can fill.

Broken.
Decayed.
Hollow.

It's what I am.