my hands are pale that clutch your sleeve;
my heart a bird, and nature pecks it.
i beg that you will never leave--
you take a bow and make your exit.

Why he keeps telling me he'll go away I don't know.
He never stays too long in one place.
He says I don't know him but I really do.
He thinks I don't know about where he's been and what he was up to.

Even if I didn't, I know his soul.
Remember me? From days of old?
No, you wouldn't would you.
The windows are stained with drug use and drunken clouds.

If you could remember me, would you then cry out loud?
Look at my eyes, your pride clouds yours, old man?
You know in your heart exactly who I am.

Yet you don't fulfil the promises you were to keep.
You don't even care.
You hurt me to the core, so very deep.
I can't pretend any more. I cannot move on.

I'd rather be alone than with your ***** soul.
You selfish hypocrite.
Your reward is your own.
Run selfish man. Keep searching.

One day you'll find what you were looking for.
And I will be long gone, far from your grasp.

You (perfect) wrapped me (shivering and ridiculous) up in a blanket (warm).
You (wonderful) sat next to me (falling asleep) and ate the sandwich I bought (pretty good).
You (perfect) are perfect. I (loves you) love you.

Far into the night I wandered
over vast age and distance
before time or names
through dense shadow thickets
across wide black waters
to the edge of an infinite sea
In my palm, a pebble
which I skipped along the surface
disturbing the dark glass
I heard a thousand voices
saw a thousand faces
and lived a thousand lives
all in a moment
I knew yellow
I knew cinnamon
I know fear and love
and I found you
and I found many others
but you I found again and again
over countless lives
I found and lost you
a thousand times
the melody rolling
outward forever and on
the stone and the sea
the world in a song

You said we've all got cracks and blemishes
wrinkles in our character
the little crevices where the past is hidden
where the fear settles as a dust,
nibbling away at a fragile foundation

It's this Modern Age I said,
kids in the automaton state
profit slaves desperate to break their screens
and return to the fields
rise and set with the sun
like in the ancient golden seasons

But you smiled, it has always been so
men with eyes glazed recalling days long gone
when the real work was done
when love was grand and the food were rich
Roman hearts pining for halcyon Greek nights

Then we are born crooked it seems
fresh but weathered like newborn lava
set under pressure, too old for our years
just clumsy instruments
put to task in a china shop
every stumble a chip in our innocence

And in there lies our radiance you beamed
with every glass shattered, a million gems by accident
refracting light on an imperfect world
every hasty breath a powerful wind
destined for great heights

and I woke from a dream
as fading clouds float downstream
and collect like leaves at the mouth
of the sea, children of the spring
monsoons, but today merely a wave
I see all this from my perch
high above the main, rolling to and fro
on Mother's breath, her every sigh
gives us motion, portends danger
leaning her shoulder on rocky cliffs
and I woke from a dream
to a screaming train car
gripping the tracks, gobbling human snacks
and spitting them back out on the streets
passing signs that press for cash
as goblin laughs mock and sneer
from the fleeting recesses, off limits
to civilian souls, just one more stop to go
and I woke from a dream
with bare feet on cool tile
water drops pooling in low spots of grout
and steam collecting in the corners
while dawn peeks through thawed out
windows, a dim promise of the heat of day
shaking the dew from my eyes I see
in the mirror haze, strange reflections,
unfamiliar through a glass roof sky
cursing screaming questions why
and I woke from a dream
and I finally woke free
in your arms, far from dark seas
and subway dreams and prophesies
clawing sleep like an attacker
wrestling sheets and memories
and welcoming the day to ponder
what these visions foretell, left to
wonder the vast expanse of mind
fumbling for a pen to try
and I woke from a dream

I sent my soul to walking
down barren wastes of land
housing nothing but garbage rats
and all the worst kinds of people
where conversation was bleak and simple
and hopeless dreams were last week's
lottery tickets, scattered and forgotten
in the ditches along empty bottles

So I sent my soul to diving
lower than light cares to go
so low that thoughts weigh tons
and past plans sink into canyons
forever lost in cold chambers
where ***** and eels munch on
ancient bones from a world away
never knowing of the sun above them

So I sent my soul to flying
dodging lightning, seeking craving
and reaching but the outskirts of heaven
desperate for love, but finding only
hostile bodies hurled down paths
with no beginning and no care
for earthly truths and happy endings
holy indifferent to joy and pain

So I sent my soul to writing
to wallow in the mud and shame
to sift among the shadows for a song
or simply a voice alone
to sing and weep along with me
never to see the dawn, a few
scratches on a page and nothing more
a single soul sent wandering far

There's something about
the feeling of your arms
and the way the hold me
but i don't get that anymore

-r.y.s

nightmares
are common to me
normally of silly things
like zombies rising
aliens abducting
monsters slithering

but recently
they have been of something more painful
of you leaving me
either by choice
or by death

it's ridiculous really
i know you won't
but my mind
says you will

it's terrifying
how much the thought
terrifies me

that losing you
could impact me so much

but i guess that's what love is.

-r.y.s