A concept of self
strengthens with wealth
The rules they do change
when our histories made
Is perception an image of taste

Where to begin when
the pendulum swings
For all of our sins
start from within
Can we see beyond
our own gates
Does right become
wrong on judgement day

I've learned not to love
But to keep my heart close just in case
someone thinks it'd be fun
to cradle it and leave it in the ground.

I've learned not to hate
but to keep my anger at the ready just in case
I need to defend my loneliness
and keep others from getting to close.

I've learned to fear
but to never let it show just in case
someone takes it and mocks me
for being terrified of what others love.

I've learned not to hold a grudge
but never forget just in case
they do it again and again and again,
and I promise not to let them back in.

I've learned these things at the tender age of sixteen,
and these rules I set for myself I never follow.
I set up protectors, walls that keep out what I fear
but I crave the pain and darkness that comes along uninvited
when I roam past my walls into uncharted waters
and bypass every wall and rule I've set up
to keep my heart safe.

So people come and they cradle my heart
and then they leave it in the ground.
So people I want to love, I come to hate
because my anger goes out of bounds
and my loneliness is my sanctuary of calm and self-loathing
that I cannot just forget about.
So people know my fears
and they trample all over them when they forget,
when they don't care, when they become selfish
and spiteful, and arrogant, and ignorant.
So I hold the grudges, but I still let them back in
knowing that the same thing will happen.
But my self-worth is lower than Hell
so I crave the pain it brings because it reminds me that I am here,
still serving my punishment for living in such a world.

There we were at Lake Tiorati feeling the sun scorch our skin.
Sweat dripped from our bodies at Lake Tiorati and we were parched for a swim.
It was 80 degrees to hot even to breathe,
and still the lake jeered at our pain.
Tiorati lapped at the shore acting a tease,
seductively calling us in.
And then with a snap and a "**** it I'm done",
came the shirt off my back,
and all followed, one by one.
In Lake Tiorati on an 80 degree day, with wet sweaty bodies,
we broke the rules to play.

Three things to know
Before going on a blind date:

1. The layout of the restaurant and how
many exits it has.

2. Making sure your "surprise" friend has proper directions and is reliable.

3. How to go about filing a restraining order.

the thing is that,
we didn’t talk about how it happened.
We chose silence,
we chose to avoid getting hurt,
until confusion and series of question
were the only thing left in our pockets.
May we not forget that rainy afternoon
when we decided
to break our own rules
and our own hearts as well.

When I first thought of love,
I thought of all the things people told me.
The rules and regulations.
Everyone that crossed my path
would be looked at through a tiny lens,
and if they moved out of frame,
they were gone for good.

When I first met you,
I didn’t think of anything at all.
The start of a new year,
The scream of the crowd as
the clock struck midnight,
and I was so enamored by you that
I forgot my camera altogether.