I was doing the dishes
And I was thinking of you,
Of back when our love
Was so shiny and new.
I was thinking of how we
Found fun in simple things
Like scrubbing and cleaning
The stubborn bathtub ring.

I was take the trash out
And I was thinking of you
And the looks you’d get
With the things that you’d do;
That beautiful smile when
The meal turns out right
And the bewitching smile
When you’d turn out the light.

I was folding the laundry
And I was thinking of you
Separating the whites from
Red, green, yellow and blue.
I remember you laughing
When I did them all at once,
And that you worked so hard
Not to call me a big dunce.

I was bringing home groceries
And I was thinking of you.
And missing you terribly
And that is so sadly new.
You were always here for us
And now you are gone.
Now I don’t have your love
That I can lean upon.

Like a being frantically tapping away,
I want to hit the back button,
Bring back the day,
The day all seemed so fine,
Before i typed out the impending doom.....
(C)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 2018

Shalla is the name
The name I hear
Shalla my dear
My love
My hope
The dreams of fear

The dreams of fear bring Shalla more dear
The lights that reflect Shalla to my eye
The darkness neglects the panic and shy
The dreams of darkness aspire my mind
To neglect the dreams without Shalla

The dreams that hurt my soul and core
The dreams I neglect to accept false lore

Shalla my dear
The only name that fills my bones
Joy, contentment, and lust
The name I hear
I’ll always hold dear
For Shalla could turn to dust

Long after
The storm is gone
The mangled corpse of Shalla
My lovely swan

My pride
My joy
My bride
My love
My trust
My dreams
My swan
My dove

I’m driven to pain
Inescapable clenching
Of remorse and broken opportunities
With the only one I could hold dear

Shalla is gone forever
Shalla my dear

The dreams come back
And so I here
The true lore that brought me fear
My neglections blinded me
Drove me to denial

Brined me and sliced me open
So vile
That beast I neglected for so long
Showed me that Shalla meant more
More than I knew
More than I thought
Shalla my swan

Shalla the eternal torch
I extinguished by my lack of thought
I ignored her and murdered her
I left her to rot

My dear Shalla
The fault is mine

My beast
My carnage
My venom
My toxin
My death
My hate
My fears
My tears

My neglections of true horrors
My ignorance brought me your death

Give me passion soaked in remorse and sweat between these empty venue walls and all your burned out cigarettes, thinking "oh God, I've seen it all."

I forgot the melody I've been singing up and down these God forsaken halls and I've been feeling down and out, it ain't the same now since you've gone.

It ain't the same.
Since you've been gone.
It ain't the same.
Since you've been gone.

And I was kind of hoping this time I would come around.
And I was kind of hoping this time I'd stop freaking out.
And I was kind of hoping that this time I'd stop hoping for anything worth hoping to finally come around.

You and I have hands of bone. And when the darkness comes, we are all alone.

As I wake in my sheets,
Aggravated anxiety.
Blue light peeks, reminding me of my impropriety
Of the night before.
Like the melted ice throne in the last layer of fire,
My thoughts agonize.
I became the prosecutor when I was the prosecuted liar.
These ordinary overcast mornings
Are my favorite to step in to.
The city smells ripe,
And I think of it with you.
But I will go to trace my patterns
Worn into my body.
Another weekday in which I tread.
Reading messages unread,
Apprehending what’s next.
Life doesn’t need explanation,
Only bread.
But I will stop to worry those worries
Worn into my body
And only hope there may come a palm to press into my spine
With a touch so fine to entwine
A belonging, a needing, into my mind.

R ippling waves of righteous reality
E mbrace the lighthouse's illuminated illusion
M orse code to remorseful fallacies
O bscured by the damp, dreaded delusions
R ealization smashes the rocks like a migraine
S uppressing the surrogate contusion
E vading one's self who is always to blame

C onjecture overwhelms the tickling tendencies
O mnipresent overtures sing their symphonies
D edicated to torturing us caged free
E ven scores scour minds endlessly

In the darkest time,
when I was at my worst.
I woke up on the floor,
with a black-out thirst.

I drank to forget,
to sleep without dreams.
It worked while I held it,
then it started holding me.

This poem’s not about drinking,
or making an excuse.
It’s about what I forgot,
while forgetting you.

No, I take that back,
It’s not what I forgot.
This is about what I remember,
and now I remember a lot.

I met you on Facebook,
through the Stephen King group.
Then, I was happily married,
and then so were you.

We became quick friends,
both sarcastic and rude.
It was innocent friendship,
just friendship, it’s true.

Then we became closer,
as my problems grew,
and your baby was born too early,
but we helped each other through.

We became best friends,
discussing everything.
I watched your kids grow,
and laughed when you’d sing.

It was innocent,
but didn’t stay that way.
Because I realized you loved me,
and that I felt the same way.

We said it to each other,
as casual friends,
but we both knew the meaning,
of each syllable sent.

Then we planned to meet,
me divorced, but you not.
We were both so excited,
the tickets already bought.

I felt so guilty,
because I was at my worst.
I knew I wasn’t coming,
but I think you knew first.

We fought then,
and I ran away.
Deleted everything,
and grew worse every day.

Your trip came and passed,
and I wanted to call.
I was so ******* ashamed,
I let you down after all.

Six months went by,
and I wrote an email each day.
My mouse would waver on send,
but never send it away.

I did finally send it,
and we’re talking again.
But it’s different now,
and I want it to mend.

Now you’re divorced,
and unhappy I know.
You dealt with that **** alone,
because I was a no show.

I can never express,
how sorry I am.
I can never take it back,
and for that I am ******.

You deserved more,
than the sole of my shoe.
You deserved so much more,
than my stupid “I love you”.



I’m sorry....