Whisper you’re anxious to the moon
When the night has come
In her purple dress.
And fade back into peaches
Of the dawn that starts
Where the pain never ended.

loitering between
         earth
                       and air,

A cord of
                in-between
moments.

As we regret or
                breath relief,
of life's final moments..

Why do you go in the water at night doesn't it scare you
Why yes it does
But that's why I love it
It's the one time I'm afraid for a reason other people are too
And along with the fear I feel relief
Relief from wanting to **** myself
Because while I'm in this dark black water with no moonlight
If I were to die it wouldn't be my fault
It wouldn't be because I slit my wrists it wouldn't be my fault
It would be because I drowned on accident
Or a shark came and ate me
Or I died of pneumonia
They wouldn't write in my obituary that I struggled and eventually committed suicide
They would write what an amazing kid I was and that God took their little angel away too soon
Just for a while my death isn't on my shoulders
So yes I am afraid but I'm also liberated

In a
moment
of quiet,
through the
busyness buzz,
a soothing thought
                    s
               e
          s
     i
r
to my consciousness,
and
consoles my heart:

*"I'm going to be okay."

The rising anxiety
Flares my insecurity.
I clear my throat,
The words just
won't come out right.
And I stutter and avoid
Staring at my audience
And I bit my lip,
Remembering hours
Of memorizing my topic
Only to forget it
Right on the spot.
I gather my courage and do my best
I finish my presentation
And they clap politely
And the relief is my refuge as I sit
With something of pride in my eyes.