you lay your head on my chest
my selfish pride aside
until you fall asleep
then my demons come alive

there is nothing you can say
that would make this seem alright
so I see you sleep in envy
as I lay on through the night

it angers me to watch you sleep
with so little to remorse
as I'm laying awake and thinking
of the reaper at the door

if I dare move or make a sound
you jump alive with fear
to further drive the guilt inside
my conscience can't burn clear

I feel guilty for the way I look
and try to care for you
I feel guilty for the steps I take
and the manor in which I move

maybe someday I can make you feel
as I see you in my heart
and maybe you can return this feeling
that our love may never part

They rejected me and mocked me,
And threw me away.
I remember their insults to this very day,
But I learned to forgive and forget all they'd said,
Even though I cry at night in bed.
For they know not of what they've done,
Now I don't hide, instead I run
Until I escape and get far away.
Then I can finally throw their insults away

i would walk in the snow and cold, just to see you smile, to absorb some of your warmth,
but you would slam the door in my face and tell me to go home

The saying goes "You are your own worst enemy."
Well my mind is the ******* ****** from "SAW."
It's trapped me within the confines of its own walls,
And everyday it teases me to get out.
The cynical little ***** knows **** well that I can't.
So she has me peel my skin off strip by strip until my nerves are exposed.
Daily I sit raw, in pain, and ready to end it all.
Salt is her favorite especially on the old wounds.
She pours it on thick and when I scream she proceeds to rub it deep in.
There are no "let ups" or "breaks."
Even in the attempt of dreams she is there.
Restless nights, restless days.
Endless torture.
How many times have I imagined putting a bullet through my head,
Or a knife through my heart?
She teases me with escapes.
Allowing me to imagine.
She quickly snatches it away with knowing I'll never be able to  do it.
She's evil.
She has made it so I can't look at my own reflection.
She has distorted me.
She has destroyed me.
She has so deeply confused me.
Unhinged from birth, she makes me feel as if sometimes I'm going to explode.
I literally feel like my brain will explode.
It's her gift.
She makes me wish it would happen,
But she is too cynical for a quick ending.
She likes to pull it out.
Elongate it.
She feeds off of the pain and sufferring.
She would rather I sit here and saw off my foot with a rusted butter knife for nothing at all.
No easy way outs.
She's a crazy ***** that I have no control over.
She destroys me everyday.
Why do I destroy me everyday?

By Arcassin Burnham


If I give up now I'll never live it down ,
To see me find love shouldn't be the focus now,
I gotta find my way through those leaves…..

You stabbed me in heart baby....
You should have know better....
My wanderlust just burned without having you as someone that
Would be my friend,
But you're not.....
I guess I hate you but I don't have to show it...
And now you know....

Building my whole world around you but you found a crawl space
And filled my eyes with tears and massive regret towards you,
Like how could you , I thought that you would choose me but.....
I was wrong baby,
I was wrong,
You have yourself a good time! Without me,
Cause I'll be fine.

Is this obsession?
Possession that I feel
Or simply the oxygen burn of my fire for you.
Is this how I am destined to see you?
Through eyes disturbed by my own historic fears
When I envisage better fingers upon your skin
A satisfaction I fear I could never achieve.
Is this defence?
My worry that soon I shall be the mundane
That makes you seek the excitement of another’s mystery.

Jealousy does not come from distrust
For I have never doubted the integrity of who you are
I am jealous of actions, not people
The looks, the contact
Elongated conversations
The freedom to be able to say yes
Inhabiting the same space
To share an embrace

I imagine the world looks upon you as I do
With desire and uncontrolled emotion
Where I am the least deserved suitor
And everyone else has more to offer than I
I fear the imagination in my mind
And how it can hurt me more than you
When I shall shrink until you no longer see me
Under the weight of my own self-deprecation;
Eventually leading you into someone else's arms who remind you of who I once was before I became no one

Yet the truth remains
That it is only without you that I am no one.