This is my recovery
I’m not where I want to be
I can’t shake these memories
Of the person I used to be
The scars fade but
They’re the scars that made me
The scars that saved me
Now I’m a little closer to whole
Filling in the holes that I wore through this soul of mine
I’ve been run ragged carrying around all this baggage
It gets too heavy after a while and it’s time to stop and steady myself
Why don’t you just lay it down?
This road keeps going up ahead
There are more ways to move on and one day you will be found
No sense in stopping now
There’s life up ahead
Living one day at a time
I keep filing through the pain in my head
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace
One day this life will stop and the you you knew will cease to exist
There’ll be nothing left but what you did with all the pain
Take a breath
Take a step
Let someone know
Life will ebb and flow
But we’re better off with you
We’re better off because you kept going
This is my recovery
But it’s not just mine

Come sail with me as we did before
Our rage and my stupidity
Got in the way
Of love,

Come step into the boat with me,
You remember it,
White and blue
And full of love,

Come grasp the tiller,
Haul in the sheet,
Take us in hand and sail
With me to common purpose,

There is no space for
Anything but peace while sailing,
No space for owt but love
Between us,

And love and happiness with you are

Enough for me

Lit by angels and adrenaline
silent auctions, abductions
still as death decends here
Archadia dimmed
a dimension of distractions
sinking in a pretty little nest
feathered with fear
she sinned so softly
knowing nothing else to sleep beneath
twigs and bones returned from the battle
gnawed clean from anxious teeth
so brittle; you become a love song to the cold
a rattle of defiance
a longing for a place you cant face alone

this is not Archadia
these sweetly poisoned streets
full of tempting berries
choking on my mind
every sniff every sip every inhale is all we have
to stop what we are in-between
awaiting, impatient
feral from empathy
dreaming of each others bliss
an escape to humidity
an instant view of the sea
it might fix this

but it doesn't

I wish , I wish
my memory could imprint on me
that cascading fading message
I always leave in rem sleep
that lack of loathing now I'm older
old enough to know life's secrets
still too young to live by them
this is not Arcadia
this is a January town
where every new idea never starts
an eternal dance
a feast for show
so starving eyes swell

the grass is always gone where I go

I wish , I wish
the night could take me to Archadia
my silence as loud as
the auction lost
here were are; in the rotting sequence
pining for a reward
I'll build my own Archadia
out of precious words, molecules of hope
how to enlighten
omens of wonder, summer rain excitement

I roll down the grassy hill
turn another page
to somewhere I can smell resilience
a rest bite, evacuate the cold and reunite with your innocence

Welcome to Archadia
where hands are full of strength
a land full of scents that warm frantic souls
giving out their tidings
tiny rebels repel your decisions
deviate what you hope to replace

for here is your Archadia
empathy is everything
a peaceful wave of lighting
a quiet sob of clarity
an instant view of the sea
Welcome to Archadia
you're here to be free

I'm trapped
Food mapped out
No way out
Am I losing my mind?
How will I find a way out of this bind?
Out of this mess of a mind
No hope for the chains to be released
This is my way to cope with the pains, they never cease
I need a solution
Too much pollution clogging the pathways in this brain
I need a new way forward
A way to feel sane
But for now I'm trapped
no need to complain -- I did this to myself
no need to compalin -- it's time to get help and start helping myself

I was beautiful,
I hope to never be beautiful again.
I grow more authentically repulsive,
And alive
And real
And free
And happy.
I will never need beauty again.

Running from my self
Circling around in Hell
Chased by “demons”
Perhaps my imagination conjured up
Some grim reapers and a flowery, thorn-filled trellis
That was a gateway into another world
I was running towards you in the darkness
No shoes in the snow, I was so cold and numb
Chasing a light that I could barely see
Terrified by what I was hearing
I was alone on a Michigan street
Some thought I was a *******
Waiting to be picked up
A victim of a bad time
But I just wanted to go home
I got into some guy’s car
Luckily a good-hearted soul
A God-send he let me in
Warmed my feet and let me go
Home

When you forgave me
The weight finally settled in
Forgiveness stole away rage
God, God, God
Not again
What have I done this time
The dog asks
After it bit another gentle hand
If only you knew
The first hand
And the weight it carried
While it swung
If for pity or love
You stay
Oh, how tired you will grow
Carrying out the sentence
For a crime you didn't commit

Eat your shame
It doesn’t go away
Regurgitate
like you’re overweight
You need more meat
on your body to hate

She promised to **** him off
in the parking lot
for her drink of choice
She was far too young
for either one
but had nothing left to lose

Swallow your pride
It doesn’t go down easy
Don’t let him see you
cringe in disgust
You need more secrets
to hate yourself for

Cut your skin
wide open
Underneath even you know
you’re worth more
It can only get better
and I don’t take it for granted

Uncomfortable in her skin
unless it was naked
No confidence in
a word she said
unless they were slurred
So she ate her shame
every ******* day
She swallowed her pride
and kept her promises
It all cut her skin wide open