I grew up in the Bronx, rough neighborhood.
Times were tough, my mom didn't know what to do.
She worked long nights, all week as I struggled in school.
I failed every class, didn't make it too far.
Where'd I end up?
Strippin' at some bar.
Every night men would look and stare.
I used my body for money, but nobody cared.
Where'd it get me?
What good did it do?
But through all of my struggles, I made it out on top.
I've made it, I've succeeded, I rose up from there.
Now I'm a rapper, come on.
Go ahead and stare.

I hope the flowers arrived on time.
I was never much of a “punctual type.”
Though I function, alright especially on the mic
when the speakers bumping something awfully tight.
Got me jumping in my sneakers reaching greater heights
to locate the light bright enough to melt glacial ice.
But twice I’ve been in the inferno wishing to return home
like clicking my heels will take me outta this turmoil.
I learned the most loyal friends are embroiled to the very end—
despite how the road bends. But it takes work on both ends
to make amends when things are blown out of proportion.
I should’ve known endorphins would’ve played my *****
with the sweetest melodies that I should’ve recorded,
but I didn’t have the courage.

© Matthew Harlovic

It’s raining on the South side and I’m outside
watching the flowers with a mouth wide open.
I was soaking up the rays just a few days ago
Now I’m asking myself where’d the sun go?

You stood on the corner in a yellow raincoat.
Weathering the storm and chasing rainbows.
Reclaim those colors, they suit you well.
Be true to yourself like Lulu Belle.

© Matthew Harlovic

So lost... No finding me now!
I could have yelled.
I could have kicked and screamed until you noticed,
but you were in a conversation and seemed focused.
You haven't told me to value myself,
just to mind my manners.
Minding matters is exactly what i shall do.
Im practicing table etiquette in the desert,
shaking hands with cannabalistic tribe members.
I'm practicing addition while managing malnutrition. Im practicing dance moves while they're planning my extradition. I wouldve lived, but I  know I'd draw attention, so I mind my manners and head alone in the other direction.

I got another problem, another chance to solve em
But I'd rather lay under the sky and let my mind dissolve and
Sink into the ground, feel the breath leave my chest
In puffy dragon smoke that trails off into the sunset...

Yeah its a little cold, so what
I can run away into my mind and happily be lost
The spiralling air, that greys out with the frost
Can keep me fixated, dilated pupils gloss

With the wind in my hair as I lay without a care
See the clouds in the skies, only go where eagles dare
But I see myself riding one, a cotton ball so light
I'm feeling so relaxed that if I imagine it  just might

Happen and I'm feeling good, feeling pretty fly
I could drift across the air without even having to try
My clothes become the parachute to stop my every fall
Pick myself up, dust off, answer the call

Life picks me up like a wave deep into space
Drifting with the asteroids, spinning like a dinner plate
Caught inside, warm and cosy like a microwave
Open up the door, and I'm as baked as a cake

Grab a slice, I know I'm nice, don't bite me hard be gentle
Tasty just erase me sliding down, I'm feeling mental
Dancing to the sound, the humming through the ground
That makes me see my ears hum, drumming feeling loud

Yet quiet as a butterfly, a fragile autumn leaf
Falling on a windy May, from the branch its been set free
Peaceful like "what's evil", is it live re-arranged?
Watching every play from the back row, but standing centre stage

Every film and every cut where the recording isn't right,
But they keep on anyway to a deadline without a time
Set, and so upset and so depressed i see the fall
Before they get the chance to bow, it's become a curtain call

It's a shame to see such pain when the peace is but a leaf
Independence like the ones that fall, floating down a creek
In the eye of the beholder is the beauty first viewed
Tell me; for good or worse, that's all up to you

Everything that you pursue, do it for the better
And when you are successful be sure to capture every letter
And never let go, always hold the memory close
As though it is the cure to pain you could never do before

The sun is out. I feel the heat, the little bit that there is.



The rays aren't strong enough, I feel cold.



  Jumping out of windows, jumping off of truck steps



  while the drivers foot steps, on the gas pedal.



it is often that my tendencies are seen as suicidal,



we're comparable, pain is vital to our survival.



    No attention needed, there are no malicious thoughts in this empty silo.



No need for gifts or trips of extravagance as there is no happiness in this empty smile.



Don't play pretend with me, or pretend I do not see.



  I have empty eyes due to all I've seen, I have empty eyes from what you are showing me.



                    The past is the past, I look over my shoulder, glower at the world,



never will I turn my back.



Forgive never forget,



live never lie, this world is to small too fill these empty eyes.

I have nothing to do.
I feel hopeless, I wanna be motionless.
What is it called? Comatose?
Fold my thoughts like origami,
to keep me as a zombie,
the antithesis of a human body,
an empty shell.
Life is hell.
I yell it loudly.
No one hears me. I sing my sorrows softly.
What once was a cry is now a hymn that calms me.
Crawling like a zombie, dealing with insane body aches,
coping with brain aches, not well, I release control as my brain breaks.
Scared to have a child as I fear hes destined to face the same fate.
Pills under syrup on a pancake, minimum wage until you can't do it.
Staring at themselves in the mirror screaming just do it.
If songbirds only sung when they cried,
and only cried when they hurt,
and if I liked to listen, me or the world, who would be worse?

I can't take the pressure and stress
Year after year, mess after mess
Giving less than my best, in constant distress
I'm looking for a relationship not just ***
I search for someone who isn't impressed
By checks and material objects
Who would rather talk in person not on the phone or text
I'm going to give up now unless
Silence is broken, it's not so I guess
I have to get used to this loneliness
I feel ill if I talk to myself for too long
So instead I fill the silence with song
If you are Mr. Right why are you always wrong?
I guess it is time for us to move on
Watching you break while I remain strong
Stomping your feelings but you walked upon
My feelings first, now it's dawn
I'm wrapped in the memory of how it feels to belong
Alone so I grow clingy, wish I knew how to prolong
This relationship til someone new comes along
I am too needy, you're too withdrawn
If it could have worked I wouldn't be singing this song
We need to let go, no point holding on
The love we took for granted is already gone.

HOOK:
If happiness finds a way to your door
That knock I hope you will not ignore
I am rooting for you to win and succeed
I may be what you want but not who you need.

I look into your eyes, I know we were meant to be
We weren't meant to stay together, that's the catch you see
I was made for you, and you for me
For who we were during those moments, not infinity
Our love wasn't a mirage because it was temporary
We grew into two new human beings
Who could never decide so we'd disagree
I no longer call you baby
I'm not the same girl you fell for anymore
That foolish child walked out the door
We wish we could be who we were before
Two teenagers excited to learn and explore
Our issues were easy to ignore
We left them to rot on the bathroom floor
We didn't notice now we both are transformed
All the way down inside our cores
Hopelessness has my heart sore
Love is not supposed to feel like a chore
We hate the one we used to adore
We can't make eachother happy, what we try for?
I love you but I realized I need something more.

HOOK