Sitting by the black window staring outside, watching people go by.
Looking at the birds flying free and careless in the clouded sky.

Rain falling slowly, hitting the window with a whispering sound and I ask myself: 'Why?'
Like the raindrops falling slowly from the sky, teardrops start falling slowly from my eyes.

All those years lost as I was running to catch up with time, carrying my bleeding heart as I again tried.

Frustration, anger, sadness running through my veins as the last remaining feelings of love, compassion, affection die.

As I turn to see my face in the mirror, sad eyes turning cold as ice.
Numbness in my soul as the rain fades away sky-high...
                                                     ­                     
                                               *Ş.Ü

Fallen snow covering rooftops, pigeons walking on tiles, claw prints intertwined.

Water changing colour becoming ice, scattering light.

Air being trapped on the tips of ice crystals, appearing a beautiful white sight.

Cold wind blowing with a loud whispering sound, hurting my mind.

Triggering memories of a lifetime with you, years and years rewind.

Waking up from the pain in the past, my aching heart confined.

Wavelengths of red, orange and yellow releasing the sun, becoming free as the moon appears bright.

                                                        ­          
                                                   *Ş.Ü

Emotionless eyes that have the colour of wind, looking in mine...killing me from inside.
Why do I feel so tired all the time?
Seeing everything you do, being blind.

Fearing your unstable mind, destroying mine.
Whispering in my ear: 'Deny'.
The sadness oh the sadness...comes and goes flood tide.

Going insane, stuck in an endless cycle trying to get outside.
Going through my anguished brain, anger and hate taking over leaving sorrow behind.
                                                         ­         
                                                  *Ş.Ü

Like the wind stroking leaves, causing it falling from the tree.

Like water kissing fire, extinguishing it suddenly.

Like snow touching ground, melting slowly.

Like the moon meeting the sun, covering it completely.

So was your love, poisoning me intentionally.

Trusting blindly, while you consumed my soul cruelly.

My heart surrendering passionately, only to be destroyed fiercely.

My mind embracing loneliness, determining my destiny.

                                               *Ş.Ü

A faint feeling of deja vu
A feeling, that I've been here before
But did something different
Something better than what I managed

I reel in the waves of my own mind
Crashing in on themselves
A never-ending circular sea
Hurdling through the depths of space

After minutes spanning hours
I come back to myself
Or at least the one present here
Observing with a skewed awareness

A last rolling wave washed over me
Something calming and refreshing
With just the right amount of power
To firmly hold me yet not threaten me

And it was just that, I thought
I was only observing life
Present, yet a mere passerby
Even in my own actions

I was watching someone else's life unfold
From the first-person view
And lately I didn't like
The direction they were taking

For a moment I felt the warmth of the sun
If only briefly in my mind
As if for the very first time I noticed
The boundless vitality it possessed  

And indeed, I did possess it too

it's deafening to the point
of your own heartbeat
crashing against your eardrums,
a wasp nest inside your head
buzzing incessantly,
stepping into the spotlight
that you try to deny it,
but it pushes you into the dark instead.
it's maddening to the point
of no longer being able
to separate your own voice
from the crowd.
it's so ******* loud,
spreading, feeding off of your fear,
and you know, deep down,
that someday it just might win.

My fault,
And only my own.
That's what you say
In your dim dark tone.
I pick up the phone,
Shaking with rage.
You have my senses
Locked in a cage.
But I stay,
And fray,
For you know best.
Studying my words,
Like an upcoming test.
Taking my heart
To put it in rest.
And that is something,
I deeply detest.
Yet I still
Stay,

For my mind has reset.

And how does one ask for help? Or plead and not feel
Pity, shame? And does one ever grunt and say what one needs to say?
At some point in the yarn of the time, how does one
Look over one’s shoulder to reconcile,
How does one open a mouth to say
“I am lost. I think” But does one truly think,
Or act on the impulses.
Or calm oneself to ask. Ask!


And “When should I think?” I ask
“soon,” I say, “soon, on some wintery night,
When my windowpanes creak in the cold,
When my steel glass never gets warm,
I might think or ask, how does one not think?
and find a reason to reason with it;
The weary long journey, how it doesn’t end
And seems to start at every corner of the road”
“Perhaps, I shall shave my head
and wash my face with some fragrant soap
or trim my beard to look sharp and address it,
perhaps, soon!”