i don't have a plan
i can't find the time
i don't have the skills

i can't seem to start it
i don't want to touch it
i can't think about it

i want to do it
i want to finish
i just want it done

Novelty delays fine work.
A lack of interest in persistence as it were.

Oh Novelty you and your cousin Naivety
wrap me in delusion and play on my vanity,
You tell me Rome was built in a day,
that riches come quick to those who simply play.

Oh consistency, are we here again?
The constant whip to push through the day,
I'd rather just theorize and think my way.

Yes, a lazy poet I am, I rarely speak of grit.
Such a millennial they say,   I think therefore I can.

You said I was okay
I said I was, okay?
They heard I was okay

A funny order, it is

I believed
You when you
Told me that
I was okay when
You were not in my shoes
and neither were They

But when
I said I was not okay
You asked if I was sure,
Sure it would not pass
(because okay, is default?)
and they heard you, not me

So
Am I sure it won't pass?
No
I'm sure it will
Because everything does
What doesn't **** me
Makes me stronger

I will do "this" task tomorrow
I think I've said that 7 days in a row
I wanna sleep now, I will do it when I'm awake
8am, I will start it after I watch this game
10am, alarm rings to watch an episode of my show
It's just 45mins long, I can't say no
11am, my friend wants to FaceTime
Oh, we haven't spoken in a long time
3hrs on the call, had to catch up on a lot of things
2pm, off to McDonald's for lunch
3pm, it wouldn't be bad to take a nap
5pm, let's see what's new on Instagram
Scrolling... Scrolling...
7pm, gotta fix my dinner
8pm, I'm not very effective at night...
I promise to do "this" task first thing tomorrow

I have days where I feel zoned out and want to sleep off the day. I feel no motivation to do anything and just want to go in the mind escape of my brain.
   Then there’s part of my brain that wakes up and realizes I shouldn’t be doing this to myself. I should do something motivating. Like interacting with family and living it up, so I don’t focus on my derealization.
    Suddenly, there are days were I feel motivated and ambitious about hobbies, fashion and school.  I start to feel the burst of happiness for life.

/'kriːˈeɪtɪv·mɛs/
noun

1. it's that flash
of inspiration
adding colour
to your blank thoughts.

2. it's that exhilarating feeling
of creating something -
of actually creating something -
with your endless procrastination.

3. it's your canvas
being filled with splatters
of paint and glitter.

4. it's art.

- v.m