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Kalliope Mar 17
I go with the flow until the current consumes me, thrashing around until I'm lost at sea. Sometimes I'm lucky to find a rope to be held, a sense of safety amidst the chaos, a feeling unparalleled. I'll tug and I'll pull until I'm almost free, but the rope always snaps and the hands on the other end I never reach. I sink to the bottom with no hope to keep float, the sadness is heavy, a personal chainmail ccoat. I work up the nerve to swim towards the shore, but that's so ambitious when I've never been there before, so I spend my days floating in thoughts, reminding myself love has always had a cost. Every time I'm close to the beach of a lover, I'm hit with tidal waves one after another. One day I'll free myself from this isolating ocean,  but the whisper of being saved is a lingering notion.
And I tried to drown but this place is cursed
So I'll just swim around and go through the motions I've rehearsed
Kalliope Mar 14
First I made tea, it's just what I need
And I drank it real slow, felt it's warmth soothe my throat,
I went back to bed, no messages to be read
For a moment I just lay there

So I washed my hair, perfect time for self care,
A full everything shower, took barely over an hour,
For a moment I just stared at the mirror

Well I turned on my console, pretend I'm in a different role,
I played the Sims, fulfilled her every whim
For a moment I just watched the game go

It's time for dinner, I'm wishing I was thinner,
I decide not to eat, not very hungry since we don't speak,
And for the rest of the night I'll lay here
Lonely isn't a stranger
And I was comfy with her once
But when someone fills your days, hours, minutes?
Being alone is excruciatingly silent
Nobody Nov 2024
i don't know what's wrong with me
but something was happening so long ago
and it still repeats in my head
makes me want to shut my eyes and go

i don't know what's wrong with me
but i can't talk about it
no matter how hard i try
i'm just to scared to admit that i've been through some ****...

i don't know what's wrong with me
every time i see those awful people
every time there's a loud noise or a crowded room
it just reminds me that the whole world is sheeple

i don't know what's wrong with me
their words repeat in my head in an infinite loop
their mocking keeps coming up
feels like i'm in a boiling *** of trauma soup...

haha i don't ******* know what's wrong with me!!!
Ghxstcxt Aug 2024
I miss you every day
Your personality and your face
The way you'd greet me after being away
only momentarily
How you made me feel just after I wake
The weird ways you would lay
Your cheeky smile and how we would play
You changed my life in unquantifiable ways
Gave me a reason to make effort
and build on myself to be better
I hate how we parted in haste
Filled with hostility, upset, lacking grace
I replay it, and wish it was different
But I know it's something I can't change
And that's okay
Because I know you're doing well
Looking after yourself
Bringing joy to the world
Still being who you are with no filter
I keep your photos up to remember
I'll love you forever...
Jellyfish Mar 2024
Dear dad,

From you I learned that anger was scary.
You never expressed it in a way that wasn't frightening.
Anger was always directed at someone or something,
You often voiced threats and I could only nod along because I was so afraid.

Ever since the day you burned the bridge we made,
The string that kept me full of hope; burned and faded away,
I'd lie to myself for a long time,
I protected you my whole life.

Because of you, I don't know how to feel mad.
It rarely happens but when it does,
It's usually directed at myself.
Because I don't want to scare or hurt anyone else.

I can't use my voice when I'm angry
I cry and step away,
Or wait until I get to my car to scream
as I drive home and feel hateful.

I hate my anger...
I feel disappointed
I'll never tell you but
I wish you had done better.
Jellyfish Oct 2023
When I was young I wrote about
How therapy was always trying to trawl me treacherous
With only having gone a handful of times as a child.
Today therapy is a friend to me,
Only trying to tear my troubles from my treacherous hands
To help me understand where they come from
And where I stand.
Andy Chunn Jun 2023
The clearing in the woods is where
I find solace and solitude

I call it “the glade” as it caresses
The covert, ceaseless, controlled calmness
That captures my core and character

Like a meditative mantra,
It manumits the melancholy misery
Of mundane mortality

Quiet and still, the glade is an asylum
For amnesty, absolution and
Apology of the mind
sofolo Aug 2022
To be knelt in a shower
Watching crimson mix with water
Some good ol’ fashioned
Pain drain

Bloodletting
How delicious

What is it about a cleansing ritual
That brings
Soot to surface

It’s scar tissue
Meets fresh wounds
Amidst the carnage
A kernel of truth

Cartography
How scrumptious

What is it about toweling off
That removes
Less than we thought

It’s whispered words
Meets silent screams
All this chaos
What does it mean

Decryption
How cathartic

What is it about slipping into jeans
That tucks away the secrets
Folds up the mental maps
Slurps the blood from the floor
And masks us up
For the world to adore

///

“How was your weekend?”

(wait, what’s my line?)

Plasma
A flushed cheek
“Oh…it was fine”
smiles

Merely existing
How divine

///
this may be interpreted by each reader according to their own experience. for me, personally, this is referring to an emotional form of bloodletting (read: not self-harm).
Muse Aug 2022
Aphrodite have I done you so wrong

That you enamore me in loves somber song

Yet leave his holy heart unignited

Cursing me with burning affection unrequited

Why allow me to be denied Anteros

And Eros strike me so cruelly with arrows

That I must make Philia to be enough

When what I desire fervently is his fleeting love

I see now goddess that I you must truly despise

For you sent forth Phobos and Deimos to terrorize

Until I found my heart to be ragged and maimed

Still for their sake I find myself acting as if it's the same
Adam Schmitt Aug 2022
She and I together were never
the source of fireworks,
but of Landmines
Buried shallow in the Earth,
Never knowing what it's worth,
only showing each our dirt,
and telling each our hurt,
Yelling needless vul-gar words.

She and I together
wore always our clouds
at night
A wry smile and a drunken slight,
and a sallow bit of cold street light,
never trying to start a fight,
and with nothing
left to ignite,
Wondering if we're going to be
alright.
I know she probably will;

With that tough mind
of hers and her
inner fire bright,
an inferno of delight,
and her supernatural
sight,
always finding keys to
the doors locked
up most tight.

She and I today had one hell
of a trying time,
in the park where she dragged me along
by the unravelling thread
inside my mind.

I had to snip the thread
there,
and then,
She said "it's too nice a day
for us to say
'The End.'"
I said "it's not nice enough
for us to play
pretend."

I was split into tarnished silver
slivers for far too long,
After.
Exponential excruciation
A mind processing pain
that needs only be felt once
to be believed,
and I bled all those
who came close enough
to try and pick up the pieces.
I am welded back together now,
but there are smoking craters
I need to fill,
I think...
(therefore I will)
Though conspicuously tarnished,
even better still?

She and I together are now only
casual, cordial, and cool.
She and I together finally,
possibly,
learned the Golden Rule:

"Do unto others, as you would have done unto you"

It seemed cliche
until that day
When she and I together
Realized
we had nothing left
to say,
and with nothing left to do for
Her
But to give her heart away,
to the wild chaos freedom
she's always craved.
The chaotic wild freedom
of a world
that needs to be saved.
I craved it too,
back then,
the chaos, and the license to rave,
and I used to think it made
us strong, wise, and brave,
when all we really were,
were just
enthralled by shadows
On the walls of a cave.


It will help hearts
                                                 heal,
hers and mine together,
when we finally
    
                                                 walk away.

She and I still talk from time to time
When the wind is static
And the weather's fine,
When the moon is blue,
And the stars align.
When theres nothing to do
But to look back
and find,
She and I together, were never
very compatible,
in love,
yet far too compatible
in war.

Peace.
Processing a breakup in poem form. Troubled lovers who were better off as friends, but with a lot of unfriendly baggage that could never be forgotten. Though nothing unforgivable occured between us, it was too much that needed forgiving for one relationship to bare.
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