I am so drunk
On the bottle named Us
I want to repeat it all
By drowning in the thoughts of you

I want to get washed away
From the pain, the truth
I want to feel that numbness
Chug it all away with that filthy juice

I am stumbling and stuttering
I am a mess, a slouch, an addict
Waiting for a refill
Another cup of memories, please

I laughed, I shouted, I cried
Belligerent in the eyes of others
As I'm lost in only yours
Passing out alone 

The bottle emptied again
Not a drop of love left
And as I sober up, I realize
I am still hungover for you

We can never be normal again,
We can never be the same again.
Is that how things were always meant
To be in the end?

I see you in the bathroom mirror
Looking back at me with the same face
Every time I go back
To that place.

Was it ever, really, truly home?
Or the only landmark you know?
Will I ever go back to that room
And talk to you?

Did we actually mean it as a joke?
Or was that the only way we could cope?
Will   I   ever   go   back   to   that   room
                                                            ­       And     talk
                                                            ­                         to     you?

One day
I will stop looking at your photos
I can finally delete them
Forget about them forever

One day
I will stop looking at places
I can stop romanticizing them
Stop thinking about dates

One day
I will block your contacts
Your socials, your emails, your texts
So I can stop checking everyday

One day
I will smile again
Laugh with friends and family
No need to fake it anymore

One day
I will throw away your things
Toss away the gifts, the letters
Clearing up my home

One day
I will meet someone new
Who will love me, accept me
Better than you could ever have

One day
I will stop loving you
I can finally let you go
So it can stop hurting

One day
Someday
Just
Not today

I float in my raft of time.

  ~~

     ~~Each passing wave is all sublime~~

           ~~Each passing wave takes, all crime~~

                    ~~

                              ~~­I bounce off these walls~~

                       ~~I’m confined~~

                       I start in the present

I am your past.                        I am your future.

I am last.                                          I am nurture.

                       I am on my last row;
                        For now, I shall go.
                          Darkness awaits
                                For none.

Small hairs sprinkle his hand
His touch is wet and uncomfortable
He smells of musk and ash
He's nervous

I try to contain myself from leaving
My minds fall back to you
It's like I'm sick
I gag on his smell

It's not one I know
Not one I want to taste

I hate you
Yet I come back
To your memory
Your sound

Is reminisced in my ears
You thwack and bang
Against my heart
Begging to be let out

I throw up on my words
They're like metal
Swishing and swallowing
My desire to let go

I end my meeting.
Leaving to my unwashed sheets
They outline the disgusting yearning
Of my body

A flash of light illuminates my face
Your picture
Your long hair.. and hairless arms..
I turn it off.

I have a date tomorrow.

I beg you teach me how to laugh alive.
It seems as if I've tightly forgotten.
But, please, only no sadness for the past.
All that I had before, is left out and rotten.

I beg you teach me to believe in miracles.
It seems as if I've wholly got stale.
But, please, only no fairy-tales and quodlibets.
You make them up so poorly and fail.

I beg you teach me not to cry by no means.
My tantrums are being not much help at all.
Yes, I'm a girl, and we're not forbidden.
But it's in vain. I've checked it all in whole.

I beg you teach me how to get old steadily.
I realize that it's about my time.
I promise not to argue or resist noway.
My life was generous to me just anytime.

If this's the case, I will continue moving.
My feet will lisp along the ground bit by bit.
And when I have no force at all to trudge behind,
I'll simply sit under the pine and hug my knees.

Bewitching like the Higanbana,
She rocks her hips around
Like the blossoms that sway
As the gush kisses them.
She chants her tune,
Inundating the scene with her melody,
Dragging me into the deepness
of tranquility and isolation.
She looks at me
With her hypnotic eyes,
Pulling me further
Towards her with no effort.
She beams at me,
And the whole world sinks
Underneath her feet,
Like the cigarette stub
That i put out every night.
She looks so serene,
Yet she haunts me dreadfully.

Do days swallow time?
Or does time swallow the days of our lives?
What memories get digested, while some are excreted?
The past starves to be remembered
after it's long forgotten.
The future hungers to begin,
heightened by the uncertainty.
The rarity of simply coincidence,
is like a blue orchard on the moon.

That demon's name is past, and he lives in the present.
Distant, yet near, he is so relentless.
Whispers of regret in the corners of my mind,
Echoing the choices I wish I could leave behind.

He claws at my thoughts with hands unseen,
Turning every bright moment into something so mean.
He feeds on my doubt, on every mistake,
A shadow that lingers, too heavy to shake.

His voice, a cold breeze in the warmest of days,
Telling me that I’m lost in my own maze.
Yet still, I keep moving, though he's always there,
A haunting reminder of the burdens I bear.

But though he is many, though he is strong,
I’ll rise from the ashes, where he doesn’t belong.
For even in darkness, there’s a flicker of light,
A spark that defies him, burning through night.

So I’ll face him each day, but I won’t back down,
For the past may be heavy, but I’ll wear it like a crown.
He won’t define me, though he tries to persist—
For I am my future, and I will resist.