Sometimes
I feel as if I embody the universe
And that I have the strength of the big bang within me.
It seems tirelessly eternal
To be forever found within the depths of music and art,
Dancing in the feeling of living.
Sometimes
I feel as if the universe embodies me
And that its fragility is the same as that of my body.
It seems achingly temporary
To be forever lost in the shallows of yesterday, today and tomorrow,
Fading into the pool of time.
Some times
I wonder if I am temporary
Because I will disintegrate so easily and so soon.
It seems eerily lonesome,
To have my existence and experiences buried with me
Decaying with the forgotten dead.
Sometimes,
I wonder if I am eternal
Because my bones will become part of the earth.
It seems pleasantly wholesome
To have my being preserved within something greater,
Giving way to new life.
Other times
I fret to feel or wonder at all
From concern that I may crawl too far into the unanswerable.
It is covertly treacherous
To hover around the realm of realizing human importance,
Falling into a spiral of maddening uncertainty.
I find it difficult to think in the surface level. I've realized that most people stay there because it is safe. Somehow, my mind still craves danger. Too many of my days have been spent chasing circular ideas, inevitably inconclusive. The unknown is terrifying for the very reason that I could never think of how to solve it.
It is too difficult to start thinking about trivial matters, so I have given up thinking about reality all together. Fantasy always allows for conclusions, and these conclusions are specifically catered to my liking. It never bores me as there is always something new to think about, something new to conclude purposelessly.
On nights when my mind is restless and my curiosity is as high as my weariness, some thoughts about the real world trickle into my head. That is when I think collectively of all the thoughts I wish I didn't have the mental capacity to consider. It is on those very nights that I nearly lose a grasp of my sanity before I climb back up to refreshing breath of imagination.
