Have you ever wondered if there are really voices inside us?
That pushes us
Pestering us
Keeps us believes
That they are true
Lies that seems to be truth
And mostly
Thoughts that is little by little
Ruining us.

I closed my eyes
And voices start to speak
They're talking to me
But I'm answering them
I don't know what is this drive
That makes me dive
Deeper than abyss
And blurry than darkness
Voices that make me follow
Even when I don't know
Cold voices
Bold voices
Millions echoing
But only one origin
I wonder
Not far yonder
Will these voices remain even when I'm gone?
Or
Will vanish when every thought is done?
I asked myself
Am I not normal?
Why are they keep talking?
It's just you who think
Something bigger
And something deeper
The voice answered
And added
It's all in the mind
It will vanish if you don't mind
Don't sink
Just think.

My brain. What a deadly, fatal *****.

July 15, 2017
Athazagoraphobia: The fear of forgetting , being forgotten or ignored, or being replaced

That word explains one of my greatest fears
The one that constantly makes me burst into tears
Maybe it’s just me and my habit of overthinking
Overthinking…
The only thing I do
It’s what makes me split into two
Because the other side of me feels that there’s more being offered to me from life
But the other wants to drag me down and isolate myself from others because I felt like I’m living a lie
My fear is eating me slowly, piece by piece as it is not a race
Being forgotten like the past that everyone wants to erase
Being ignored like the plants that want to grow but couldn’t be showered with love
Being neglected like the old toys that kids shove into a corner, because the new ones are the only one that they speak of
I have people around me that feel like they are doing their best for me
But I’m selfish and I want more because my boarders are harder to knock down than just finding something like a key
The borders that were built up so strong filled up insecurities, disappointments, and fears
Funny, I already feel my future will just be overflowed with a couple of beers
Maybe light a few cigarettes on cold nights
And take a risk of sitting on high heights
Because within these walls that I build, I feel that the only two people left are the Devil and I
Telling me that it’s time to go and die
That I can’t be here no longer
Time is up and all will not be any better
I give him no reply…
Not because I am shy
But because I have killed my inner self to start anew at least three times already
I’m here, still alive today
Even if I constantly feel the fear of being ignored, it’s okay
There will always be a bay
Filled with people that have no walls
Where I can feel a sense of belong, loved, cared and with them I can stand tall
Although the fear always kicks in to my stomach, my face, my soul, and mind
I’ll be on my grind
Because that other part of me is still fighting and believes there’s so much more
I’ll then start myself for being the reason that I will fight for
I’ll go against my demon and start a war
As I have stood and roared
Because I’m sick of the walls that restrict not only me, but the people who genuinely love me for who I am
That fear that can easily think that it could conquer me, is wrong because I am no simple lamb
Once I have finished my battle
I will then go around and make my words rattle
Hoping that I will one day be able to help others
So I can help bring more colours
Into the lives of many, by starting with me sharing my own story
I want myself and others to not worry
But I don’t want to get ahead of myself as I still have a long way to go
I still need to spiritually and mentally grow and know
That as of now, I lift my chin up and smile
It’s of time that I try to change my lifestyle
So here I go again…
May my happiness contain with lovely and fond memories that will always make me feel like I have something to gain

How many times did you read this sentence before you found the mistake?

Don't know whether I'm fooling myself but I just hope everything turns out alright for the both of us.

I want to write some poetry
or type some text to you
but my brain is on some overload,
an I think it's turning blue

an not my shade of indigo,
as that's my favorite hue,

but more like blue of sadness deep
in an oceanic wave,

I hope it's not tsunami like
an if-
I pray to save,

The memories of you an I
the ones I've colored red,
as beautiful those memories are
to treasure when I'm dead,
but for now-
I'll just go back to sleep
an rest my weary head,

an hope to see some beautiful
an different colors,
again come the sun.

Ma Cherie © 2017