Platinum wishes; handfuls of disease
Ostentatious, drifting memories
They meld into one, fall to your knees
Conscripted love, forced to believe.

The pleasant hours often show
The check is signalled, liquor flows
Kisses stick like rain upon clothed skin
Every touch a knowing nod to sin.

We’re all that’s left
Mere animated corpses on the Earth
The adults of our dreams are trees instead of ants
Ambition while it’s stable never lasts.

All complex emotions hide beneath
Nothing of the topics which we’d agreed
Slights as smooth as slippers on our feet
Insults fly like hail; dense as sleet.

Your warmth is my addiction, doomed to always splinter
Sneaking bottles inside of psych wards
Voices prized above, not untoward.

The faintest of conclusions lack the foresight to predict
Complications always rise
They never sink.

If I were watching you now
sat at your lap
desk bare and clinical
like your sharp eyes,
if I were watching you now
I think I would look right into you
and I would see the war scars
that you buried in orderly dysfunction
and raging fits of tidiness,
I don't think you walked away
from those burning screaming
German towns bearing your name.
You ran. you ran hard.
back to your horses and simple fields,
back to a life that was entirely too chaotic
in its gentleness.

This OCD means
I scrape at my scalp with this dusty razor
until only raw skin is left.

This depression means
I call on my mother
to re-open old wounds
and spill blood for me.

This anxiety means
I read her old love poems,
scared of whomever received them.

This dysphoria means
I have frequent nightmares
and wake up clutching my head,
making sure
that my hair is still short

and I dream, sometimes
of using a saw
to hack off my *******-

This dopamine means
I feel all of you
and see all of me
like nobody else.

I can't stop writing this poetry,
Because all I think of is poetry.
Phrases repeat temselves spontaniously.
Like trains coming continuously
Rhyme and metre extravagantly
Burst into flames explosively.
Twas I who consulted psychiatry.
OCD he said repeatedly.
OCD I thought repeatedly.

Then I broke free
From
Rhyme and.  Metre

And any rules really!!!

**** it?

Flower

Sunshine in the rain
Relax bro

Be open and throw **** all over the place
                    But do it with grace.

I wake up every morning
With laughter in my head,
And sometimes as I'm yawning
I wish that I were dead.

It turns up as I am writing
And scoffs, grunts, and guffaws,
This laugh I'm always fighting
Which says; "you have no cause."

It's tone is not a pleasant one-
I know this very well,
But I'll not let it spoil my fun-
That laugh can burn in hell!

It and I are now connected,
And I can't wish it away.
'Though that laugh is unrespected,
I accept it's here to stay.

I sometimes wonder, as I'm yawning,
If that laugh makes me a better man,
Since I know every single morning
I've already faced the worst I can.

"From the outside looks like I belong outside,
the tears of a clown-always on the inside
to go outside,I'm hesitatin-sweatin,,
give it one more hour til the meds kicks in,
ah,back on the inside,food run-job done,,
didn't heed the inner voice-"Run Forrest Run",
sweatin' in Tesco's,temper and distemper,
slam,lock my door,give a little whimper,
keepin' this front up is slowly killing me,
friends don't believe I suffer from anxiety,
not a common sight introvert,no stage fright,
turning into a vampire,never out in daylight,
hard to explain-confidence is a con,
even my mates can bring a panic attack on,
a social world yeah-connected society,
modern day Hermit,trapped by anxiety,

"counting flowers on the wall" chorus"
countin flowers on the wall that don't bother me at all,
playin' solitaire til dawn with the deck of 51

theres so much treatment available! you say,
the first catch 22 of a brand new day,
go to the doctor,then I'm tongue-tied,
ending up with Flu shots,cause I just lie,
strangled on anguish,put on a brave face,
tear back to the gaff, the only safe place,
a basement tan,rarely show my face,
mistakes of the past I wish I could erase,
fake smiles for those who wish me well,
between the devil and the deep blue sea,ah well,
"it could always be worse" was my childhood's call,
pull your socks up,chin up, don't shame us all,
"he's such a ******,all he does is read alone",
I'm still grinnin,and bearin',don't want to moan
I've got my net and my gaming,and my OCD,
like I've told you before don't worry 'bout me,

"counting flowers on the wall" chorus"

this is it,the end-the nadir,rock bottom,
I'd swallow a gun or load of pills if I'd got em,
It's a breakdown,meltdown,shutdown,sad clown,
take a crane to turn THIS frown upside down!
finally told my mates I WASN'T OK...
(tick,tick,tick)the clock churns away,
then the shock on their faces turns to concern,
first hug near broke me-floodgates turned,
I was a friend in need,with true friends indeed,
so if you're suffering in silence try and pay heed,
get out of your "aun heid" your soul needs to feed,
and there's only so much a sole soul can bleed,
take advice from one who had a foot in the grave,
don't let society turn you to a slave,
take pleasure in the small things,hear my call,
so you can spend less time counting flowers on the wall"