i regret not making more friends.
i regret not sitting at more lunch tables.
i regret the glances that i didn’t return.
i regret the smiles i let pass like strangers.
i regret thinking that one friend was enough.
i regret pretending that silence made me strong.
i regret staying home when they invited me out.
i regret overthinking every introduction.
i regret the way i let anxiety speak for me.
i regret deleting numbers instead of reaching out to people.
i regret waiting for them to speak first.
i regret being afraid of being too much.
i regret leaving group chats before they knew me.
i regret the hallways I walked like a ghost.
i regret the versions of me they never got to meet.
the point is --
i regret a lot of things,
about not making friends.
especially that.

but it was my fault
after all.

how come I'm the one left unloved?
How come I have no friends to turn to?
How come I'm always the one they judge —
never truly seen, never truly known?
How come there's no shoulder for my tears,
no arms to hold me when it hurts?
How come I keep wishing someone,
anyone, would care?
How come I still want to fit in,
even when it means losing pieces of myself?
How come I'm not me,
but who they want me to be?
And how come —
in the quietest moments —
I wonder if I should even exist at all?

Empty room echoes,
Silent phone, no texts to share,
Lonely heart whispers.

Today I realized how much I didn’t matter to anyone at my school.
I walked across that stage and was made a fool
No this was not the end, only the beginning.
But I could feel the paint of my mind start thinning.
We show off our achievement like we are better than one another
As I drift away and my mind starts to hover.
I walked across that stage for some kind of academic excellence
But instead of a celebration, I felt the silence.
Student upon student walked across that stage
Each one of them with following laughs, cheers, love and rage.
But as I walked across there was nothing but silence and pain
I can’t wait till I leave this place
Because if I died today none of them would have known my name.

I push with all my might,
But my *******'s too tight.
I'm up all night,
Trying to conquer this fight.
I keep thinking it's going to be all right,
Stuck in a long plight.
Through my sight,
I see the brown and blue reunite.
Kerplunk.

Looking through my messages.
****, I used to have friends once.
What happened? What changed?
I happened, I changed.

Not as sweet as I used to be,
Not as stupid as I used to be.

So weird, so twisted,
who would like to be your friend?

No one was there,
no one wanted to be there
to help me with my pain,
to wipe my tears away.

No one cared for the wicked creature,
for the broken ******* the floor,
crying herself to death,
drowning with her own tears.

It's ok now, I'm alright.
There's nothing to worry about.
I'm just gonna smile, like I always do
and you're just gonna pretend you believe, like you always do.
Just like we always do.