at times I wonder,
from an elusive time
and place unreachable
where time no longer exists for me
this one's for the generations after mine
what would they do, as they
come across my poetry
and as they seep into the pages
they will delve into the sadness
of my sweet sorrow letters for thee
will they ever thought the same?
thinking more of our narratives
that should have been—
but was never put into paper
of a love that never came to be
wishing that it became a love story
rather than a story of me
loving thou unrequitedly

'i couldn't care less about him really'
'i am not even serious about him'
'it's just a big fat crush, you know'
'it will easily pass by, don't worry'

i want to say all that
with a straight face
but i'll be lying if i did
i'd be playing myself bad

i'm tired hiding under a mask
where I have to pretend
that I love you less
than I already do—  I don't.

— you mean everything to me

this must be a writer's curse
to feel everything, to not feeling at all
it is to let the mind pump to its beat
and letting the heart up high to soar

alas, this is where I have put my fate onto
to write and write and write
and let the pen scar the paper’s skin
for it to run its ink to the course
running, and running till the end of time
as long as till my hands bleed ink
it is to miss the things that doesn't exist
or at least in my head, it's there they reside
as it makes the rhythm of my heart reverberate

they are now a part of me, it always have been
it just took long for me to find and master it
bend it, and let it go onto my will
as much as I don't want them to be
it became my limbs, my everything
it is a part of me
the words are flowing down my veins
I am not alive if it wasn't for words
my heart won't ever grow tired
as it's the purpose why I'm living
and no one can take it away from me

on depiction on books of fairytales
stories that were put to me as a child
to be tied on another being
pinkies and a red string— a promise
to spend an eternity together
with a perfect stranger in this world
that still do not put sense into me
to this day, but at some way
it made my heart feel at ease
that somewhere out far there
is looking for their other half as me

you're like a stain on my white dress
that I'm aiming to remove
it just leaves more creases on the fabric
no matter what I do, I can't, nothing
but in fear of losing you
I cannot throw you out of sentiment

—you're my favorite dress

Sometimes I wish
My pencil will break
and that my heart will finally choose rest
little one, aren't you exhausted?
Of how the world give you thoughts
that makes you run and run to the void
When will this head of mine
come back down the clouds?
Till when will these eyes stay
blinded by a reality far from truth?

Sometimes I want to blame this heart
for taking in too much, too much
excessively from what it can ought to take
I want to hold a grudge, for it ever falling
to wonders that tears itself from reality
Don't strange, delicate things
draws us humans more onto it?
Why am I so eerily drawn
to such things far off this planet?
A dream that's far from my grasp.
So far off.

Won't somebody, anybody, I beg
wake me up from this dream already?

— shatter me already

I still dream of a fellow
that would save me in my sleep
He would trace the creases on my lips
his hair would tickle the tip of my nose
and his face would be the last thing I see
along his steady breathing and heartbeat
me close onto his chest
there would be a faint smile across my face
before I fall soundly asleep

Even as I enter dreamland
it would still be his name
that's the sound of my heartbeat

He would take me to far off places
and make me feel things
I haven't dwell before

Someday, I still wish that
it would be your hands
that will intertwine mine
and that dream will slowly dissolve
into a face unfamiliar
but like home all the same
you will slowly turn into reality
closer than we've ever been before
closer that you are within my grasp

— can a girl dream, love?

sometimes my dear
I feel sorry for the times I lean
towards such light like you
like a firefly lured, I am blinded
by your shimmering glow

why do I only reach out to you
whenever I feel lonely in his arms?
but then you can provide me the warmth
his hands isn't able to give into mine

how could I even appreciate a sun like you
only when the moon is already at peak at night?

all these times, you've only brought me hope
you made my heart soar miles
it fluttered farther than ever before
you've brought me sunshine beyond compare

my knight, your back stands safety and comfort
your eyes resembles the sharp edges of the stars
but then your smile radiates a thousand suns
you are the sunshine to my beating heart

how many times should I learn
that you are always there for me
you have always been
even if it's clouded in the distance
you're always at bay

I usually don’t like silence in general – the awkward silences as they will call it (when I’m with someone). But with you, it’s a different case. I can actually endure these little instances of silence with you.

Because I know you’re there to fill it up. Like knowing that you’re present – that you’re there –gives me a sense of comfort.

We can take a pause and breathe without hearing a complaint from one another. I know that another person understands me with these wordless exchanges, with these simple gestures, stares, and soft-hearted smiles.

The spaces in between our conversations, and just the stillness of the atmosphere… You’ll somehow manage to add up the warmth, the comfort. Just your presence is enough.