My youth is laden with
Unanswered prayers
Cold and nervous love
Colourless days

Half of the time
I try to rhyme
But I lost the lines
I lost all that's fine

My youth is laden with
Heaviness at heart
Loneliness at soul
Anxiety at being

I'm tired of being
What am I fearing?

Like lemonade, my insides are melting.
Sweet and sour, love made on demand.
Wasn’t long ‘til I started sweating.
You had me in the palm of your hand.

It hits like a bullet.
Caught off guard,
Triggered by the circumstance,
Fuelled with the negative thought,
Your mind starts to race and all sense is blur.

It hits like a tsunami.
One second you could breathe,
The next your nostrils and mouth is forced shut,
Your insides are burning,
You’re crashing against sorrows
And there’s oh so much desperation
For the need to simply
Breathe.

When the feeling is this intense
You won’t know what hit you.

from nerves, I cannibalise my fingers
my blood clots, and dries out
crusty and painful
yet I keep on pressing, biting
because it gives me focus
a sick type of satisfaction,
a sense of control.

I whine tears leak out, my eyelids stuttering,
Tired
my fingers bit, bone exposed and ******
my fingernails and fingerprints
all gone,
remains lay in my stomach
acid consuming the scraps of skin
this is what I call my very own cannibalism.

when i get nervous i cannot eat.
this is eating me alive.