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dexter Aug 23
Relapse tastes like cheap beer and clenched fists
Lust for life and homelessness

Flooded with nostalgia from the very first sip
Love is a cold aluminum kiss
Hazy dazed laziness
Sunshine & spit
Miller Lite is my favorite weapon
Toxic intoxicated entanglement
Liquid courage & devious motivation
Criminal elixir
Watch me drink the poison expecting everyone else to die
I'm only lying because I love you
Flame too hot to touch
Burning down everything... I cared about it all once.
Myself, my life, my reputation
But what's the f*cking point?
Giving a **** is just premeditated disappointment.
How will I ever get out of this labyrinth?
The inevitable irresistible slip, over and over
All over this meaningless existence
dexter Aug 23
Slowly letting go
Daydreaming lovers and lies untold
Bold but homely
Bored and lonely
Cross-eyed and painless
Strung out and brainless

Uncomfortable oh comely
Emptiness, friendlessness
I still exist - I think.
I know this isn't all there is
*****, beautiful, broke, and free
Is the only state in which I find peace.

Dawn is breaking and so am I
Daylight bright in misty eyes
I woke alone, in my tent in a forest;
hugged and kissed the void good morning
I miss something I've never had and it's vicious in my mind.
dexter Aug 23
I don't need a hand to hold
Could you do it all alone if you had to?
Living in this misery
By myself just I and me
If I could open up my heart
I don't know that there's any part of me that even wants to

Living in a foreign language
You can't reach me here
Nobody can

You can't see me
Can you blame me?
Am I real?
This body's so faulty
Thoughts worse
Head hurts
Sparse words
Throat burns
Sharp things
False door
Locked away is something more than a broken wh*re
I think?
dexter Aug 23
Over and over going under
Left my body again
Underneath another sweaty dude I don't even like.
It helps to fill the void.
The blind leading the ****
Clinging to an unobtainable freedom and love
Untold desires
Tragedies, fires burning the valleys in my rib cage
Control taken
My token of power stolen
Use me, use it against me
Cryptic, insidious, vicious, and rancid.
dexter Aug 23
A drowning person is not troubled by the falling rain
Embracing pain I've ignored far too long
Chasing dragons, suspended in denial.

I am delusional with love.
Bruised, eluding these illusions.
Cling to what feels safe.
Cold, calculated; Jaded smile.
I'm hiding behind it all my nasty habits and the tragedies of my past.
A mystery, or just a loser encased in egotistical gluttony?
Can you find me?
dexter Aug 23
Eyes wider than Ohio
Staring directly into the truth I've spent years in denial about.
Psychedelic doubt
Ugly within, uglier without.
Questioning myself and every decision I've ever made
Ego dissolution, consequential confusion
Every move has a karmic influence
So we spend our days in the sunlight of the spirit
Summertime eternal
Flowers will die but ever we are in bloom
Screaming "doom" & "i love you"
From the womb to the tomb.
a poem i wrote after tripping face with my not-blood sister. i love you jandalyn tai
dexter Aug 23
Smashed skull mentality.
Altered states of mind/ sober all the time
Slick, sickly cycling. Dreaming of love and of dying
Slimy sucky lust
No trust but I'm trying
Sticky fingers; Blue, brown, green eyes
Why do I appreciate, have mercy for every soul but my own?
This might be a house but it isn't a home.
Sweaty naked bodies, distasteful escape.
Wasteful mind
Bring me your time.
Minefield life just trying to survive most days.
Brain waves moody haze with your hand in mine I am thriving.
Pillow soft lips a kiss away from drowning in a strangers' eyes.

Endless longing set the days on fire.
Time warp, essential sensuality
Warm breeze running through my mind
Black poison blood, sweat, c*m, and confusion populate my veins.
A race toward brokenheartedness or objectivity
Lift the curse of eternal shame.
Forgotten toxicity embalmed in simplicity and transparency
Complacency, erasing a disgusting history
Bury me in the laurels you rest on.
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