You're here you're here and we finally meet,
I've been searching for you, surely life's biggest treat.
Feelings of trust, of bonding so strong,
Two lovebirds together all summer long.
Wings spread through the valleys, high over the clouds,
Sweet songs hit the shoreline as we danced with the crowds.

We do all that you like, you're so fresh and so new,
I don't mind that the song is all about you.
I give all that I have, my love's professed near and far,
I sing from the roof tops, you know every scar.

It's been a few weeks now and I'm starting to see,
Questionable behaviour that's harmful to me.
You don't sing the same song, how can this be?
Lies and rumours of cheating, theres no harmony.
"My minds playing tricks", she whispers to me,
"You're just a broken young child with CPTSD",
"I have the solution", she chirps so softly,
"Just listen don't question and come fly with me".

"You're not being gaslit, please my love have no fear,
There's no flying monkeys, but you asked for them dear.
What now shall I do, with all that sweet song you've sung?
Swoop forth to my noose dear, till emotionally hung.
The flight of your emotions so rich and so high,
I drool over your pain, my nutritious supply.
My love you're just oversensitive, you plot your flight right through hell,
Play this strings attached gift, while I poison the well.
You took flight with me dear but I'm keeping score,
I clipped your wings once you opened that door.
There is no escape, the hooks are now deep in your heart,
Don't try to set boundaries, because we'll never part.
I lie and cheat but I'll never tell you,
I deserve all this power,
Because you don't have a clue.
I control your inner thoughts, toxic shame is your guide,
I'm morally bankrupt but self love is on my side.
Nobody shall believe you, I'm the martyr to all,
They think that your crazy, singing your victims call.
My family and friends, they flock by me strong,
I laugh while you're helpless, though I've done you wrong".

I've left the cell but I'm empty inside,
I'm so confused as I contemplate suicide.
Did this just happen, was it a nightmare should I hide?
I'm hypervigilant and my hopes for the future have died.
I wake in cold sweats, I'm bound to my bed,
No contact is broken, another blow to the head.
I'm frantically searching, there's no peices to be found,
to that evil puzzle, she seemed so safe and so sound.

It's been a few months and I'm stitching the wounds,
Her guilt trip game is brawny, as the hoovering looms.
Once again dropped my gaurd , I must be a fool,
I guess it's time to enroll in affirmation school.
This time though I'm sure, no contact I'll fly free,
Never again empathetic, to the narcissist's plea.


04/03/2018

an all consuming love*
took hold of the narcissist
his great admiration for self
was the everlasting gist

in front of the mirror he stood
kissing his own reflection
whilst at it saying I'm so deserving
of my steadfast affection

yes he was absorbed
in a love profound of pond
this being the love he'd
keep fervently fond

no one else could love him
with such a richness of care
cause he was unable to
empathetically share

the love he did bear inside
his indulgent infantile heart
would never be completely
*cleaved apart

Eclipsed,
by the curve
of your lips.
I unveil my eyes,
no longer blind
to icky little tricks
sewn closely
to your wrists.
Go...
go ahead now,
voodoo what you do.
Dizzy silly dazzled minds,
fracturing the rules.
Déjà vu wouldn't help.
No chance to reverse
ticking clocks
on the shelf,
soaring through the universe
of
yourself.