I can still feel you
when I’m all alone.
Trapped in my bones,
you were a home.

My veins pump,
blood still blue.
I remember,
the cascading of hands in your room.

Blankets,
tattered.
Sunshine,
scattered.
Felt in love on a saturday morning,
now i just feel numb on a saturday, mourning.

Are we long gone? I ask myself, when there’s still traces of your freckles etched into the walls of my mind. I close my eyes, and can still feel your wet lips pressed against the sweaty crook of my neck. I can’t help but want your tongue, but I’m too busy biting on my own instead. I reach for you, only 7 minutes away. I take the long way home every time. There’s still a lingering of your scent that’s packed in drawers, crumpled to the back. I can’t seem to wash you away. Drunken spillage of red wine comes out easier than you.

-I’m about to hit send. I’m sorry for ******* with your closure. // 9pm

Let me hold onto you
Not like a leash
Chaining you to the ground
But a kite string
Helping you learn to fly

Whenever you speak
I listen carefully.
Finding much needed serenity.
Placing myself in our every private conversation.
The way you could read my mind.
Your voice a familiar place in my ear.
Those full brown eyes that stare off in a dream.
Sometimes I wonder what's on your mind.
My wish to hug you as hard as I can.
Your chest against mine, eyes closed in comfort.
When you speak I am in ultimate comfort.
This comfort of just being around you.
All the little things I've missed so much.
Inches away from my nose.
The times we've shared.
The touch of your lips,
The smile of seeing your face.
Bursting into laughter.
Most of the time you keep quiet.
And that's understandable,
Those full brown eyes caught in a dream.
When you do speak.
Every word becomes that much more precious.
I listen intently,
Knowing just inches from my nose.
Is the result of a dream I've had quite often

Missing you comes in waves
Tonight I'm drowning
I wish there were other ways
It's overwhelming

And if you were here again
I'd have to ask
Why I'm always stuck
Behind this mask
Did you ever have this problem too?
Is there something wrong with me, is it true?

If you were here again
I'd have to know
Where, after death, did you go?
Is it worth it, to be frightened, to be scared?
Is there something I can do to be prepared?

If you were here again
I'd want to know
If you were done with life, ready to go?
I wasnt done yet I wasn't ready
But i know that this will happen to everybody

And i miss the little things
That bring me here
The thoughts that make me happy
Bring me near
To the part of me that's  missing, the part that's you
Memories, so old, they feel new

My stomach twists in knots
At the very thought
Of you walking through my door
And I've thought of this before
But it never happens

Missing you comes in waves,
Tonight I'm drowning
It's hard to let go, its overwhelming

Pregnant clouds wait in pain to give birth to rain.
The sun leaves to its abode, and one wonders where exactly does it go.
Left us here with weather that used to be fair but all I see is gray skies.
It could change the mood of anyone but still I keep my head up high.
Here it comes, thunder rolls and lightning dances above our heads.
I'll just wait till this storm is over because there's no way I could get to bed.
Instead I sit here at this window thinking of summer and all that has happened up till now.
I'm still practicing at mastering the art of detachment, and I'm making progress somehow.
But this rain can bring alot to mind, it brings what I try to hide out
and so I sit with it, reminiscing I see your face appear in the clouds.
Just my imagination playing games with me.
Got me going through scenarios in my head, thinking bout how it'd be if you never left,
but I won't dwell on it for too long cuz it'll just leave me stressed.
The second I shake the feeling your face turns back into a cloud.
Oh, the things that happen when I reminisce too long and find myself thinking out loud.
I'm alone but not lonely, still in love with you only.
Letting it go but doing it slowly because I've been missing you...

When does our weekend begin
Time flies in contemplation.
The day ends, quick to start.
Belittling how the nights are not the same.
Caught in thought.
The laughs that start soon as I see you.
Things that occupy time until the next time.
Again becoming a past time.
The season changes in a matter of days.
The weekend still so far.
The human heart a mystery.
Full of affection. Restrained throughout the week.
Fond with anticipation.
To see you, to feel you.
The embrace of like minds melting in the torch of where we dwell most.
The week becoming longer and longer.
When can my heart beat it's fullest.
Running away with every throb.
Taking you further and further away from where we have to come back.
When does our weekend begin.
Holiday included, extended weekend.
Seeing you smile.
The weekend is near

I hate the way you left me here
All alone, no one left
No one here to care enough
To ask if I'm ok.

My family said I was grieving wrong

Too much

Too strong

I'm sorry,

my heart

Hurts

It hurts

IT HURTS!

                          It hurts...

I'm so empty

And jealous of the fact
That you could leave
The depression
And turmoil
Behind you

I dont understand
Where your soul has gone
Or why the best ones leave so soon

I wasnt ready
To be left alone
Without you

I still hope
That you'll answer my texts
Just one more time
One more phone call
One more "I love you"

I'm begging


Why doesnt anyone help me
Please help me understand
What to do
Who to be
Without my dad

Here, now, summer is synonymous with loneliness,
Scorching heat with empty houses and empty driveways.

In a few hours, your room with a future lost
Out of my own free will,
And the beach we used to frequent will be synonymous with the ghosts of hope and a lover scorned.

I called my uncle today and I almost cried.
His voice is synonymous with love unconditional and pure,
As he half-jokingly admits that he loves me more than my siblings
Because
When I was young and sat on his shoulders and drooled on his hair,
I was synonymous with daughter years before he had his own.

As I text my friends, snort at their jokes and cringe at their mistakes,
I wonder
What am I synonymous with?