What stuff is this cotton wool behind my eyes?
A knit of foggy fibers holding fast my next thought.
Odd when my mind so flies;
at the age of fifty three I ought
to relish ripe wisdom & cognition,
yet here I am, forgetting where to turn
just to reach the kitchen.

“A supposedly Amusing ode”

I lay here staring can it be?
A midlife crisis  come for me?
But no it’s not true oh it taunts me
After all I’m not yet fourty

But oh I’ve lived a life so carefree
No morgage payments await for me
No insurence upon my life
Not even a pension
I’m nobodies wife
I’ve born no child it’s not yet for me
It’s all lie ins takeaway and adult TV
I can go out when I please
I have savings never
Sometimes I drink to much but I don’t feel clever
But wait .... oh no maybe that’s not it .... maybe that’s not what’s the cause of this itch
Maybe now I’m realising I’ve had it all wrong
I bought the wrong book I’ve sung the wrong song

No rock and band sit upon this hand
I’m not sure why I don’t understand
Why have these ***** produced no fruit
Why does my maternal instinct feel so mute
I do not own these rocks and mortar
This cat here is my only daughter
My other half as bad as me
He just likes to snore and watch TV
Oh **** oh no it’s all to late
To fix my life get it straight
I must get married
I must produce life
Quick mark wake up and make me your wife
Hmmmm but that’s actually all quite expensive
And we are really not that tentive
To the young of age who make such a mess
The school run sounds like a lot f stress
And a morgage surely ties you down
What if I don’t like that side of town
Or county
Or country and want to live a life
Full of travel freedom and vice ?
Yes I’m sure it’s all ok
in our rut I think we’ll stay
With our own jokes and inside gags
Phew what a relief I can breath with no strife
And relax a little into mid life :)
(C) Ashley Kane

sitting down in the shower
cliché but appealing,
if i could feel a fraction
of the feelings that they're feeling,
the things i've been hearing since
the day i grew ears.
looking for reasons to love yourself
in someone else's clothes.
every year that passes
i've managed to convince myself
was just another mid life crisis,
because i'd be overwhelmed
with another fifteen, twenty years
or how long can a person last
convinced they'll find a romance
that distracts from how they hate themselves.

My mistake;
I told myself I just forgot to put my makeup on
and no one would really notice anyway,
but there it is large as life -
the part of me that doesn’t fit in.

You wouldn’t understand; no one does.
Who I am doesn’t fit who I’m supposed to be.
Cramped and crowded in leftover expectations,
like a cicada larvae in too-small skin.
What will I be if I ever emerge,
and how long will it take everyone to **** it?

Rushing downstream
everythinggoesbysofast
gasping above the waterline
idontrecognizeanythinganymore
grasping at rocks and branches
wherethehellaminow
heaving breaths haul me ashore
ilaygasping&vomiting;
where the hell am I?

(improvised poem for the purposes of requesting an invite)

But so it goes,
And so it goes,
Tiring spiral,
Slow decline,
Lined with turmoil,
Past the prime,
Sinking motion,
Lost in time,
Dulled emotion,
Loosened line,
Dull and heavy
Sadness grows,
And heaven knows,
But so it goes.

satellite of lust
stopping the presses
essentially broken
entrancing machine
never back-step
epileptic idol
old ways are dead
adhere to the lies
essentially broken
entrancing machine  
netting a good one
nearer to mid-life
fed up with the ghost
starting blank again
in a different palace
cemented to space
cemented to space
cemented to space

a certain morning stiffness
in your joints

you find your face
in the bathroom mirror
and wish you hadn't

the puzzled wisdom
    of middle age
wavers from your eyes
deepening wrinkles
   of many laughs
   many frowns

   how many more?

   nevermore ?!

the room becomes aflutter
with poesque ravens
the presence of absences
fills the void
your life is on the brink
of deconstructing itself
to the periphery of the universe
a discourse of silence
forever becoming ... becoming ...
what...?

   nevermind!

so

you close your eyes
   hard
for a minute or two

when you look again
you meet the stare
of a not-so-bad-looking
man in his best years
  
   graying sideburns
   receding hairline
   20 pounds too many
      BUT
   a firm decision
   to work them off
  
   still a bit sleepy
   yet determined
   to shave
      get dressed
      have breakfast
  
   and teach
   that wonderful seminar
   on 19th century poetry
   to eager graduate students