I have lost something, at some point,
And I fear I will never have it back.
It pains me to think about the past,
For it reminds me of what I lack.

I'm not quite sure how to move forward,
Or how to fix this condition;
It is sad that I have ended up this way,
A disturbing and abysmal rendition.

With knowledge comes power,
Power follows along so close behind.
With knowledge also comes loss,
Innocence is no longer mine.

I fear I have went too far,
I fear there is not much left for me.
I fear I have locked my heart's door,
And let darkness swallow the key.

My goodness peeks through sometimes,
But it is just smothered by disease.
And no matter how hard I try,
It's a sickness I cannot appease.

I wish that God existed,
A merciful, kind deity above,
One that didn't just speak
But act upon the written love.

If that was true, I could find solace,
But God does not exist,
I am finding another way,
Other than religion's devious mist.

Or perhaps that is an overstatement,
For I see no solution.
My morality has bent recently,
Undergoing evil dilution.

I have lost something, at some point,
And I fear I will never have it back.
It pains me to think about the past,
For it reminds me of what I lack.

keep doing things like you are now,
and I hope to see you get pushed even further down,
by the ones who are supposed to help pull you up.

I will and have always been here to help you,
              and have,
but one day that's going to stop.

and that's going to ****,
when you learn how much the world ***** first hand.
because no one holds your hand.

and life,
its not one plan,
its full of little things you eventually fall into,

but what you have fallen into,
is a sick and twisted pattern,
my old friend,

you gotta get out of this monster,
You know me,
by god,

our house,
everything's a ******* open book,
and sometimes I feel you don't even look,

but maybe your over looking,
or not looking close enough,
Because you were the one whose always had more then enough,

I don't say that to make u feel sorry for me,
but I say it so maybe you on top of everything,
Don't also have to be someone who is mean,

Having a knowledge about me,
you know how,
kids can me cruel,

and your constant put downs,
are no better then the ones I get served at school daily,
from teachers students and friends and now I guess my family,

Being told theirs nothing wrong,
like lying to me,
telling me my dreams are now a reality,

BUT THERE NOT,
because there are too many things wrong to name,
and my dream wont ever become more then a game,
because my mind is being told lies to feed my flame,

and you can call me the lier,
and call it my own game,
ad that I'm only looking to gain,

But I only want to gain,
What I've always been denied,
And that used to be the help I needed in school,

But as you said,
Like everyone else too,
I'm going no where,

So all I ask for,
Is my happiness they robbed me of,
but that's impassible to get back,

Just like love,
But I can at lest act loving,
And pretend happiness is a thing that exists for me,

because I don't know,
What else to do,
because I've missed out on so much,

and for you to tell me I'm stupid and don't know ****,
That's *******,
you don't know ****,

Our house was and always will be an open book,
my life's been discussed openly,
you know everything about me,

so I'll ask you this,
Why didn't you chose,
to look closely?