i met you,
and you had me wondering since then.
how it took me years to find hope
only to realize that it can be seen
in the eyes of someone i love.
how, maybe, i could use a little sunshine
instead of sulking in my little dark room.
how you are that little sunshine.
how i can write silly, sappy poems
when i thought every letter my hand scribbles
only ends up in a goodbye.
how it took me years to know
there is someone like you out there
who could give hugs
i never knew i needed.
how it is unfair
that i could be having the worst day
but still feel light and calm
when i'm with you.
i met you,
and sometimes i wish i never had to.
because then i wouldn't have to
replay our conversations in my head
while smiling out of the blue.
then i wouldn't have to
stay up 'til dawn
thinking how someone can be so beautiful
wondering why
it has to be you that i want
when it could literally be anyone else.
i wouldn't be
missing you as soon as you leave
or wanting to hear
what is now a familiar sound of laughter
or wanting to see
what is now a familiar half-laugh and half-smile
i could never get enough of,
when years ago i didn't have
even the faintest idea
of your name
or how your touch feels.
i guess if i never met you,
i wouldn't be used to
knowing
and wondering
and thinking
and writing
about you and your lovely soul.
i guess it would be easier
to not be aware
that i could feel some love
when i thought
all my heart could do
is to feel hatred and anger and guilt.
and if i never met you,
i wouldn't have to know
how it feels to be
a little too happy
even when my life is falling apart.
but i guess if i could go back
to the day i met you,
i would be there,
at the same place and time,
and i can only wish
you'd choose to be there, too.
