a poem a day while my heart is away*
Six days feels like six months feels like six years

I hate going to sleep alone

Tell me I'll see you soon and dismiss my fears

I hate only talking on the phone

If I could hijack all the planes
That land and take off in between us
I would
If I could calm this storm
So we can see clearly
Right before we forget what love even looks like
I would

But my love,
All I can try to do
With these endless days ahead
Is to trust
That when the fog fades
You'll still be looking for me

Vicious love
You've caught me again
Holding me within your claws
Tearing up my heart
You know I can't love this person
Yet you make me

Watching me break down
Under the pressure of distress
There are so much better options
For me to fall in love with
Yet you seek out the impossible

Divided by thousands of miles
Our hearts kept far apart
The feelings are real
But there is no chance
For I have gone too far away
Again...

a poem a day while my heart is away*
here i feel the numbness, the dull ache on unkissed lips and ungripped hips
i didn't know what i was missing all those months apart but
but
but now i've tasted freedom and bliss and sin and martyrdom,
and living without you again seems horribly impossible.
we walked amongst dying trees and you held my cold, bony hands in your warm ones,
and i kissed your chapped lips and realized that if every day of my life was like that one, i don't think i'd ever be plagued by my usual sadness again
is it wrong to need you so?
is it wrong to love you so?
thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged
i've never loved being broken as much as i do when it's by your hands
and i miss you
and i miss you
and i don't know when i'll see you again
and i hate that

He organised my hair
By deviding it into equal wisps
And laying them across my shoulder
I pinched my eyes
As I traced the outlines of his face
With my open lips

We had come down so hard
From the euphory we created just minutes before
The sweat had not dried yet
Our breathing irregular
The second we fell apart together
And hit the matress
Was the second reality hit us

"I don't want you to leave"
I tried to imagine
Every mile I was about to cross
Every face I would meet
Every fear I would conquer
But it was all buried in my love for him

In that moment
I wished I would explain that
The way he blew away
Everything I once thought mattered
And how I had been able to fix myself
While being held up by him
And that I wasn't that sure about this journey
Because I found everything I was looking for
Just like everything I was running from
In that bed

I wished I said all that
But instead I pinched some more
"I don't want me to leave either"

I thought he was perfect
I thought he couldve healed my broken heart
I thought he was my saviour
I guess not

Because he has another girl
And he fancy's her more than I
Even though he said he loves me
And I'm the one..

Then why won't he leave her?
Is it because she's more popular
Or maybe his friends font think I'm cute
Whatever it is, it has me puszzled
Because if I'm the only girl you've loved,
Then why aren't we together ?

But I guess its my fault.
Im the reason we can't see each other
My life doesn't make accommodation
For love..
And ironically love doesn't either

I try to wear you once in a while,
     making sure if you fit the same
     as the last time i checked

But then again, whenever i notice
     the apparent worn off, tired seams
     from the fabric that was once our love,
     I go back again and sew them together,

Carefully threading the gaps back
     where they once were sewn tightly shut,
     left with no space for inadequacy,
     hardly any place for scarcity of love.

My misguided, solitary efforts then proved
     a love with tenuous and delicate clothing
     that has misplaced its capacity
     to wear out storms and excessive usage.

Back there is where i find
     that not everything burnt out
     could rekindle its flame.

I’ve had this long distance relationship for
a while, now
since sleep-
overs were a thing, literally, sleep – overs, when
I was just 8,
the flicker of my friend’s basement
TV taunting me to dare it to come
back, seeing
daylight hours I never
knew existed before,
and it intensified in
college, as you could
imagine, I’ve missed it
so much since it’s been gone
I know when I had it,
when it wasn’t hours away,
I let it
kiss my eyelashes
right before the moon rose
and hold me tighter than
any secret I’ve
kept (on purpose). without it now,
I’ve never
felt so abandoned-helpless.
In college,
especially in college, it
was a constant that
everyone in a relationship
couldn’t relate to, they’d go
out late at night, and I’d
go, too, missing it
missing sleep.
Sleep.
How I’ve missed you
Wished to
embrace you
every night that
everyone who didn’t bother
took for granted, greedily stuffing
themselves with it,
but insomnia
pushes sleep out
onto an ocean voyage to nowhere,
reminding me of my first sleepover, when
everyone but me lay silently on the floor,
while my exhaustion crept around the corners, drowning in the
moonlight,
and it’s like I can only hear
the ocean waves long enough
to taunt me back awake

We don't ask for much.

We want a simple life, a love uncomplicated.

We want nights in with ice cream and movies, lazy mornings with tangled sheets and entwined limbs.

We want study dates and tender kisses.

We want time.

We are held apart by endless miles, barriers more cruel than cell walls.

We want a chance to be near and be happy and be unburdened and be free.

We have dreams,
and empty beds,
and dinners for one,
and phone call romance,
and nine hundred miles of what ifs and if I were with yous.

We will have each other, in the flesh someday, but until then we settle for wants and wishes.