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Ignatius Hosiana Jan 2017
Ultimately in the waking
you had to leave the rage
to sleep inside and knit
a beautiful cloth, put it
on your face and call it
a smile that you flashed
all day so that none
would ask you what
the matter was after all
it was easier to fake joy
than to explain the million
yet difficult to fathom
reasons behind your
sadness...
Ignatius Hosiana Jan 2017
Day after day
I was learning
that the yearning
and pain would never go away
That I was a bent rod
a traveler so long
lost along a road
so wrong...
I was seeing clearer
the shattered lad in my mirror
manacled in horror
of echos of the past
reverberating through the threads
of time,
a man cursed
to forever shiver in cold of desolation
and to always seek consolation
in the glamour of rhyme
yet never mind
that he'd never find...
Day after day
I was learning
that the clouds of strife
in my life
would always be the blanket
that stops my Sun from shining
and that my trumpet
was bound to rust
as no one would bear
their lips on dust...
none would love me enough to dare.
as I were a flower in the wild
growing on shitload piled...
a heart punched and filed
a destiny's child
a million pieces compiled
on a future defiled.
I was a forgotten dream
a dried up stream-
cracks instead of Adam's ale
a snail without a shell
corpse pale...
I was my own hell,
strange
they said things would change,
that time would tell...
yet there was nothing left
to be told of my story
though I wasn't one to feel sorry
as I'd been through more ****
than I could spit.
Pax Jan 2017
my writings are my own darkness,
my own little room  -
its a lonesome
space.

in here i crouch
and see the nothingness
as i drown myself
in the stillness it brings
and the numbing
silence
i surrender...


@pax
Ignatius Hosiana Jan 2017
I
Loved to dare
so
I Dared to love
Ignatius Hosiana Jan 2017
It takes
**a strong soul to share
a brave heart to care
a great mind to dare
and all the above to bear
Ignatius Hosiana Jan 2017
Nothing Is lonelier than a breeze of desolation in a crowd.
Ignatius Hosiana Jan 2017
Wish our Love was January
So that it would take forever to end
Ignatius Hosiana Jan 2017
1-We were searching for warmth where there was only ice to find
2-We melted the ice in our souls and just caused an Avalanche in our minds
3-We were two broken people hoping our together would make us whole
Forgetting the rule of magnetism, repulsion of like poles
4-your Heart just as mine was a wide gaping abyss of a black hole
5-No matter what we did, some holes could never be filled
6-We tended the big wounds from the past, but the scars unlike the wounds could never be healed
7-Everyone said love like ours often ended in tragedy, that romance is a rose, and roses flower and fade
8-that all hellos come wrapped in their goodbyes, all beginnings pimped with the lip gloss of endings
9-that we were just another beautiful Titanic yet to encounter an iceberg and sadly we believed them
10-we didn't know that none in history ever chocked swallowing their pride, so we held on to ours as our love slipped away
11-We had bright futures left behind thus lived trying to rewind the chronometer
12-We had an obsession for art and sought sanctuary behind stories and books
13-We thought life could be one beautiful fairy tale, we thought the ambiance would be picture perfect
14-We wanted an escape from loneliness rather than to complement each other...
15-We had the best *** in the world, but never ever did we make love...
16-We always trusted facts yet some lies hold together what is broken by the tremors of truth...
17-We were accustomed to the freedom of dancing in the thundering storm so the manacles of comfort felt so uncomfortable
18-We wanted to find forever, when we hadn't crossed tumultuous bridges in the moment...
19-You were a little girl I expected to act like a lady, you pictured a man in the boy I will always be...
20-You wanted flowers, I wanted powers, you lived your life, I had mine but we ached for ours
21-It was love at first sight, we thought we could live happily ever after in a matter of hours
22-We were just frustrated by the grip life had on us so we thought we'd find the key in each other...
23-Fooled by her beauty, like Icarus we flew too close to the Sun and forgot the glowing orb of desire does burn
24-You developed a blister in your ******  that needed nine months for the doctors to help it out of you, if we squeezed it prematurely you could bleed to death... and the catechist's voice kept reminding me that doing so was itself a sin...
25-I was too young to understand that such blisters didn't ****, and the law didn't help...
26-My father didn't tell me it took pleasant pain to be him, or he probably did but I was deafened by hormones
27-Your mother said she told you and you kept contradicting, she hit you everyday and my testosterone couldn't take it... so I hit her for you, you hated me and I ran away.
28-We never loved each other, we were all running away from something, and we mistook us for a destination...
29-You had big dreams, I even had bigger dreams, the two kept sparking each time we tried to connect...
30-You squeezed a boy out of you and left him at the mercy of his blind grandmother and the tickles of cuddling infesting jiggers...
31-I blame you for having me disowned and ending my education, you blame me for everything.
32-You moved to the city, so did I... Met someone else, so did I.
33-We meet once in a while and you act like Miss world and I keep silent because I don't even have words for you.
34-Am working to get my son, you're doing everything to keep him a secret forgetting that some secrets can never be hidden, especially those with a mouth...
36-I wished I had never known you, you hated that I took your virginity...
37-Once in a while you return to my bed and I gladly welcome you, after which you cry and I comfort you
38-That's all we can be to each other now, a consolation for the melancholic love lives we are experiencing.
39-We both hate that we are apart but know we can't be together
40-For like it was before, we know everything about love but nothing about loving...
Ignatius Hosiana Jan 2017
Even a million bricks
can never build a home
it takes Hearts and love
to turn a house
into a Home
Ignatius Hosiana Jan 2017
Because I had nothing to give and all
you wanted from me was nothing.
But Love
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