D EVIL NAMED DE MAN LIVED

NAME D DEVIL LIVED DE MAN

So it all fell apart again
My search history is full of numbers to overdose on
Maybe now it's the end
After all, I'm the irrational one
The world "revolves around me"
I think this time I'm done
The shattered pieces of my life slice deep
No one cares anymore how I feel
Every night recently I've cried myself to sleep
There is no point in trying to "prove them [everyone] wrong"
My heart has grown heavy and I see nothing to smile about
Regardless they'll still play my Funeral March song
And as they carry me away and into the ground
There will be music and my voice will ring in their minds
I will hear the cries screaming so loud
Mom, dad, brother, sister, boyfriend, mon ami, did I ever make you proud?
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The beauty of Chopin and Beethoven in their minor keys is that the chords on the piano or the harmonics of the violin soothe my sorrowful soul with singing symphonic melodies that capture my sadness in a sometimes simple tune
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To those who see this, will you tell them I never left a note?
I couldn't devote the time or bring myself to write to them a final goodbye
I want them to hang on to what ever words I last spoke to them
I want tears shed over my cheap gravestone that my parents didn't want to spend good money on
Especially for someone who was dead
Because they knew I couldn't complain if I never saw it
I want the "annoying" songs I used to play for them on the piano to fill their hearts with pain every time they hear them
I want the nostalgia and longing for me to linger in every lucid dream
I want my straight A report cards to receive a mere "good job" even if posthumously
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There is pain in the most beautiful things in life
My eyes sparkle the most when I cry the hardest
The vibrant green becomes even more vivid with each swelling crystal drop
-
Tell them I was finally able to do something correctly
That I was finally able to succeed and go through with it
Tell them to wipe their tears with my lavender scented t-shirts
Tell them my love of pink and black was the weirdest thing about me
Although we know that wasn't quite the weirdest
Tell them whenever they see a butterfly or a flower or an animal crossing the street, that I would've shed a tear for its natural beauty
Tell them I tried my hardest to keep up with the rigor of life
Tell them that eventually every car runs out of gas
Tell them that the song, even if on repeat, will always end the same
Tell them to read my favourite books and try to understand why I loved the literature so much
Tell them not everyone is cut out for life and that sometimes people break and can't do it anymore
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Towards the end my heart only struck dissonant chords
My fingers bled trying to pull the piano wire back into its proper position
I just wanted to be happy but the major chords and the consonance were out of reach
With my stick straight back I tried to fix the broken keys but nothing seemed to stay in place
-
I wonder what will happen now when I close my eyes and enter a deep sleep
Will I meet God or the Devil himself?
Or will it be just that... sleep
-
So many thoughts and so little time for me to complete them
The hourglass pours the sands of time too quickly now
The blurring ceiling sways in patterns, then up and down
I reach my hand to the sky as I lay on the ground
My tears cascade into the watery red pool around me
-
I don't want to bring this to an end
You who read this are my only friend
-
I said I'm tired and I should sleep
But you didn't know I meant I'd forever be done counting sheep
The moment I slip into an unconscious state
Saving me will already be too late
-
Play on repeat Chopin
Tell me how the song makes you feel now versus then
-
And only silence remained
As her tears still rained
And her last fleeting breath was drained

Spring had not quite blossomed in this city
almost too far north
even if the spring sales were in full bloom and the spring concerts set to stage
during the moments they met.

“One for P-1”,
a man who knew what he wanted, she admired that
During the first moments of the rest of their lives together
when the computer wouldn’t compute,
he had time to admire her
he liked that, she deserved it.

Tickets expunge, cash exchanged,
eyes met, fleeting (almost not), during those unspoken moments
the unspoken had been heard loud and clear.

Spring had sprung and hope sprang springing
across the stage, up into the office, along the catwalk and the tech booth
then back through the lobby.
It touched them both, they both knew it
during those first moments of the rest of their lives.

Paul McKee

One day
this is going to end
whatever that started
because time doesn't understand

the breeze comes
passing by decades
get everything replaced
this place will look no same

the fast we embrace
the memory escapes
and we forget it ever lived
that one day, we've been in.

She asked me what I was living for
And I gave her this confession

In this realm of population
In the sanctum that is living
This world only exist in
The spaces that demand it
Beings who's lives surround
Boundaries required to sustain
Thoughts and queries somehow persist
Against the grain
Pain and longing don't exist outside the brain
Its in this environment, a hostile place

We come face to face with the tantamount lack of grace
Perfection has no enemies because it has no face to hate
Emptiness is something to which each of us relate
Its all enveloped in the great cold distance

Developed in the river swiftly grinding our roots away
Drab and lifeless as a surprising softness sickening and meaningless
Blending together with the coarsest feathers to create the bed on which we lay
In lieu of living organs, please send your deepest thanks

And we both looked down into the grave
A connection in contrast to
The depth of recession all around us

And the ending's always the same
Each and every host finds themselves in a less than stellar place
Every spectacle and spec of plot laden hero
Is slowly digested

Among the monstrosities and grotesque scenery
Something else can take shape
And grow metaphysically
Fake though it may be in the face
Of such bleak uncertainty

Electricity