Masks

they help us hide

from who we are

behind a curtain

dancing silhouettes

they’ll never know

puppets on strings

acting how we should

we spend so much time hiding

when the mask is removed

we  won’t recognize ourselves

we don’t even know who we’re hiding

scared to know what’s within

Not even 18

She told me to sleep on the streets

“time to be an adult”

Jobs and school are not cool

Dreams and ambitious cannot take flight

But there’s no point in a fight

So I try with all my might

Sleeping on the steps

Working 8 hours shifts

School is a gift

No time to drift

Not even 18

Yet I’ve aged far beyond my years
all in one night.

I remember when I would help with dinner at my grandparents house.
My grandpa would always have me cut up vegetables.
He always told me I was holding the knife the wrong way, he didn't want me to hurt myself.
He would hold my hand and help me cut the vegetables so I would learn.
Well now that I'm older I dont need help.
Now that I'm older I avoid dinner.
I know how to hold knives.
The difference is that now I don't care how I hold it.
I am so careless.
Cause when I put it to my paper skin and watch the Ink fall out I just keep thinking about how my grandpa would remind me to hold it right so I don't cut myself and he would put his big hand over mine and show me how to do it the right way so I don't hurt myself.
But grandpa  now that I'm older that's all I use knives for.

5th grade...
Moments of pure happyness
Joy was almost inevitable
things we're almost perfect
beautiful
I had  THE best friends in the world
middle school is when **** hit the fan
people moved away
I lost contact with almosy everybody
friends thinking about suicide
and our happy little "family"
Has crumpled to dust and ash
by a fire we ignored
and let stay ablaze
for far to long
I miss the simplicity of 5th grade
I had all the friends I would EVER need
I was almost top of the class
life was all around good
Because high school just ruined everything
boys make things ten times more complicated
and now I'm in college
wonder what will go wrong next..
Because some days
I just feel like hiding under the covers
Hiding from life
and it's wicked games...

This life never gives me a break,
It keeps on throwing challenges at me.

It seems like no one else has this problem,
Yet I know every one does.

I want a life that is easy,
Yet I want to be strong.

I want to be alone,
Yet I don't want to be lonely.

Oh don't worry they say,
Everything's gonna be okay they scream.

But nobody.

Nobody

Sees.

Me.

Drowning.

I know that I am not enough, there's no need to tell me twice.

I hate my life
I am awkward
I am insane
I am everything bad
Which exists in this world

I hate my childhood
Because it was just an empty well
In which the snakes raked down my skin
And made my life hell.

I hate myself
Because I don't deserve this life
I don't deserve to be called anything good
I don't deserve these good people
I call my parents
I am just a peice of garbage
Which was sent here to rot.

I don't want to lie to you,
So don't think that you're horrible—
But I just think I'm not in a place
Where I know what love is anymore.

I don't want to lie to you,
But I also don't want to say
That I miss having someone to call mine,
'Cause I'd regret it every day.

I don't want to lie to you,
But you probably should know:
I do have a few feelings for you,
But I'm scared to let them grow.

Life ***** like a sponge
When you just can't get it right
And you miss Happy Hour at Sonic.