I can tell by the way the paper smells,
like day-old rain, wet earth, the dank
aroma of the window box soil stuck
to the edges and in-between the dulled ink,
and if I was there, I know my eyes
would be tearing up by now,
itchy and pink like a newborn,
leaking softy—a garden hose that
sprung a hole— without much worry
for the powder that was applied
just before, which is not unlike
how you kissed me the first time,
without much worry about my lip-
stick staining your lips; after, you looked
as if you’d been bobbing for apples
in a bowl of strawberry jam, and
when I laughed at you, you said,
“It’s springtime, baby”.

c h  ristop   her     r a  y,
c.r.          c.r.          christopher ray,
     were there any ways to think of the absurd    in a lucid and logical way        such as to explain the way i hurt myself   and i was the one who savors the bruises and the pain     and killing you but i was the one      who had been left dying  to the man who bore the name of       christopher
                    ray
christopher ray, christopher ray,
is there any way for me to keep the thoughts of you away     person comes and goes in my life and i was convinced that it's enough to keep you away        yet it's getting cold inside day by day i pour vouvray     how the sweetness pains me and your shadow stays forever and a day

To the lover of my youth,
and the yellow in my tooth.
To the flower's greatest prize,
and the red behind my eyes.
God knows I love you, you're green but true blue,
oh Mary Jane, my girl, this one's for you.

To trade inebriation for derangement.
Therein lies the answer.
Let “sensucht” envelop you.
No time for pity.
Allow oneself time to grow, but never stagnate.
Thus, time must be spent in constant motion.
Let hesitation- the cowardly sort- be minimal.
Know that regret will get you no further than those before you,
No closer than they were to eunoia.
Flow free from one action to the next,
Fully knowing that you are wholly enraptured by emotion and duty.
Remember:
Your mind envisions the goal,
Your heart serves it.

I wish that others could see you
as I do, Darling.
I wish they were here with us now
and could hear Flaubert’s love letters
dripping off your lips.
I wish they could hear the tenderness,
the ache in your voice,
reading those scandals,
for a love that deep and unashamed.
I wish they could see the joy that
flashes across your face
at the simple pleasure
of a charcoal line
drawn perfectly across a page.
I wish all the world could see you;
see your mind and heart
and soul as I do,
because you would receive
ceaseless love letters
from an enamored world
that would make even Flaubert blush.

If i had to write a few last words
To all my beloved i couldn’t tell
It would be to my:

Mom,
I admire you so much and all your effort
That you do with a smile on your face
Not often that we express the gratitude
But in our heart there will always be a place

You give us unconditional affection
Without requiring anything in return
I wish that i could grow to be a person
As selfless as you are.

Dad,
You have taught me to be a man
So tough as yourself
A man who makes stiff decisions
Yet carries a heart in himself

You taught me the meaning of self respect
And the worth of hard work
Nothing comes free in this world
You grind to make it work

Work that you do yourself
For the wonderful life not a fraction
I cannot thank you enough for all these
But i truly respect your actions.

My siblings,
We fight, i win, you lose
But that does not make you any minor
I don’t express you my amity
Don’t judge me to be this bitter

Indeed we get very less time
To spend with each other
Despite all these in everything you do
I hope you only get better.


I am sorry that i never told you guys
That how much i loved you
Hope i sometime get the chance
To convey that love and encompass
My thanks to you.


Sincerely your dearest
- fuadhassan

To whom it does pertain
There are so many words I could use
To describe to the world
My love and feelings

I who was silenced by emotions
For years…
Now I find the veil of silence
Being replaced with a veil of colorful adjectives
And verbs

I have always known
The words
They never came to me when I needed them most
This was your fault
And my burden
But I digress

In spite of all I’ve been through
I still look back to memories past
Sigh, and say
“I miss you”

I still hear you randomly
See your half cocked Joker’s smile
That comforts strangers
Because to you
There was no such thing.

Then I remember your hair
It was an onyx forest of infinite curls
How I loved raking through it
With my senses of smell and touch

It was always there
The smell of 3 flowers
It was still there
Even when you cut your forest.

Then there were your arms
A warm hug you passed around to anyone
It brings me to tears now
I miss it so…

Finally, there was your mouth
That accent that charmed the world
Your words
Funny, unique, silly, thoughtful
Emotional damaging, bitter, slightly offensive, obscene

Yet we all remember your laugh
And your driving…

Though wherever you are
I hope you found true peace and freedom
It’s hard to tell where you’ve actually gone.
I’d like to think you’re telling ***** jokes to Jesus.
Like he’s never heard them before.

Mid-day light shoulders it's way through my bedroom window
And I find spring like a letter from an old friend
She's changed, she's traveled, you should hear the things she's seen
I try my best to talk about her, the flowers she's grown and the skin she's kissed
I worry if she asks about me I won't have anything to say
I didn't mean to stay stagnant for so long, it's just I worry about falling too in love with life
I've always lost everything I've loved too much