before writing seems to comes too easy
maybe before the river of depression
rushing into my canals in all directions
with no order, no bounderies...
i guess, i've learned,
to build dams, cross section
and order...

I knew it would not last forever
But the future was unseen
Watched it slip out of our grasp
Before we could intervene

Season after season is passing
Golden transforms to white
Misty mornings exchanged for snow
While I wait to feel alright

Rose up through the ashes
But my heart's still burned and charred
And fear has formed an armor around
Every place it has been scarred

I search for symbols on my body
Yearn for meaning to be revealed
To understand length of our relationship
Yet answers all remain concealed

Shoulder the weight of rejection
Through time though tough to carry
Heaviness a consistent warning
That of intimacy to be wary

Like a little alarm silently blaring
Begging me to stay alone
Prioritizing safety over company
Love is hell unlike anything I've ever known

Portal straight to madness
No one is exempt
So if you want your sanity intact
Don't bother making an attempt

Desire turns willpower to vapor
As you steadily lose control
Until you cannot function in their absence
Need their affection to even feel whole

But when the flashes of electricity
Vanish from your partner's skin
But for you are stronger than ever
That's when the real torture begins

Color disappears from sight
The whole planet fading to grey
Happiness drained from all you touch
As you desperately clutch onto yesterday

Now waking up is a daunting task
Try to avoid facing reality
Solitude stings like a salted wound
Haunted by what we will never be

Then I stumble across your photo
For a moment don't feel so sad
As nostalgia rushes over me
I escape briefly into the love we once had

I close my eyes and block out the hurt
Memory tasting bittersweet
And when I finally open them
Feels like I'm falling to my feet

Desolation has become my home
Misery my only friend
I've learned the hard way caring is pain
So I swear I'll never care again