I didn't know and
I couldn't understand
Anything about myself.
I couldn't see through and
Never had tools,
Pitch dark and wandering by stars.
I didn't know and
I couldn't understand
Social rules, quiet cues, or how
Became my "muse".
An island
A shipwreck
Adrift at sea
I didn't know and
I couldn't understand
My forsaken longing for true connection,
Or what you meant
When you said
"Stop painstakingly crafting your prose as if you must earn my attention"
Scouring
Half blind
For the unloved part of me.
I didn't know and
I couldn't understand
My desperate diversity.
Shackles clattered free with every blackout pour
Each line a rush of promises I knew would rot
Filled myself to forget nothing was ever there,
Expanding the hollow before it even had a name.
I didn't know and
I couldn't understand
I was heaving the empty unknowing alone,
An anchor keeping me drowned.
With no practice feeling, I stood
Petrified to appear the fool,
I didn't know and
I couldn't understand.
After numbing for years
I finally learned and finally healed,
This quiet apology is not an excuse
Only late recognition from my old recluse.