The girl who always laughed, cried.
The girl who seemed unbreakable, broke.
She dropped the fake smile as a tear rolled down her cheek and whispered to herself,
“I can't do this anymore.”

Darkness enveloped around her as her unbreakable heart started to crack.
She's hurt.
But every day, she walks with a smile,
‘Cause that's just who she is:
The girl who never stopped smiling.

They can't see that she's hurting.
They don't notice her pain.
The girl who feels like she is drowning in the rain,
while everyone else is sitting in the sunlight.
The girl with the eyes full of innocence; the face of an angel.
Her personality is that of a dreamer and a smile that hides more pain than they can imagine.

She was just a girl.
Who experienced heartbreaking pain.
Who was taught never to show her true feeling as nobody would care.
She knew to hold back those tears until she was alone.
She grows cold with every stabbing knife in her back.

Warm red liquid, flowing down her arm, is all the comfort she needs.
Silver metal, shining so bright, is her only true friend.
Her scars, hidden from the world’s judgeful eyes,
hold memories of hurtful words and repressed memories.

The unbreakable girl finally broke.

here's a map to my heart,
and here's a knife while you're at it

“My mask is broken.”
She stares into the mirror, her true face is revealed.

She wears a mask that grins and lies, hiding her cheeks and shading her eyes.
With her heart torn and bleeding, she smiles, hiding her tears and fears.
“Fine. And you?” is her response whenever they ask how she’s doing, before they stopped caring.
With that fake twinkle she has gotten so used to wearing.
She’s says it over and over, repeatedly tucking away her heart.
She doesn’t want to have it broken.
Not again.

“I’m alone and I don’t even care anymore.”
Is what I have convinced myself.

When can I stop pretending?
My world is crumbling around me, while my heart is breaking.
This isn’t happening.
I must be dreaming, they wouldn’t do this to me, right?
“I don’t want them to leave me. I DON’T WANT THIS TO END!”
They betrayed me, they’re the ones that really broke me.
How could they do this to me?
I thought of them as friends, as FAMILY!
What have I done?
What did I do to deserve this?!
NOTHING!
I’ve been the perfect friend, one that followed their every command.
Why do you constantly treat me as a welcome mat, walking all over me.
I didn’t deserve any of this.
I’m getting so tired of pretending and lying, it is not helping anything.
Why doesn't anyone notice?
Notice that I’m crying and dying on the inside.
They wonder why I smile so much, it's because I don’t want you to know what I’m really feeling.
I try to put on a brave face just to stop myself from crying.
The jagged lines across heart remind me everyday that I don’t have friends that care.
The makeup I put under my swollen eyes prove how much I cry myself to sleep.

“I'm suffering.”
You say, in your head, over and over.

Why did they do this to you?
You try to hold your tongue.
Hiding what you have become, but it’s getting harder and harder.
The smile that people think is so bright and full of life, is holding the darkest secrets.
The mask you built up is slowly breaking away with every comment directed your way.
Why do you have to pretend to be happy so they accept you?
They said they were your friends, but they didn’t even notice you breaking.
Your heart shattering.  
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did my back hurt your knife?”
You’ve been impaled with their knives left and right.
You try to pretend that it doesn’t bother you, but that's only adding onto the countless lies.
The day they said those words, shattered the last piece of your heart.
You needed to become stronger to hide your weaknesses.
How’s that possible if they won’t stop with the names?
Your “friends” don’t even stand up for you like they used to.

“I’m tired of smiling.”
Is what I refuse to say.

I’m trying my ******* BEST, but I can’t breathe anymore like every second I’m alive I feel like I’m drowning.
I never believed people when they said how much it hurts to get stabbed in the back.
Until, it was me.
Lying on my bedroom floor,
Mascara running down my face,
Gasping for air, crying.
How, after all you put me through, am I still able to hold my tears back?
You promised!
That you would be there for me.
THAT YOU WOULDN’T HURT ME!
How could I not see through such an obvious lie?
I'm so stupid!

“Why must I suffer from this pain?”
Is your constant question, that remains unanswered.

No.
Don’t cry, not in front of them, please just fight back the tears.
Please, just don’t let them see you cry.
They don’t know what it’s like.
How difficult it is to get out of bed and act happy for the day when all you want to do is breakdown in tears.
You’re afraid because you know you can’t fight forever.
Maybe you’re just not meant to live a happy life.
Maybe pain is all you’ll ever know.
You’re so broken.
Mentally and emotionally.
Literally and metaphorically.
This is so much more than being sad now.
This is affecting your whole body.  
What happened?