I have been to hell
and have seen angels dressed in rags
I have been to paradise
and have seen devils crowned with glory.
This life is both at once a charismatic tragedy and a callous joke.

The black monster,
It is in my bed,
I can feel it,
It is warm against my leg.

"i need you"
no, just your touch

"stay, don't go"
i need someone to hold me

"your arms feel like home"
no, they just help me forget

"I'll see you tomorrow"
or maybe just tomorrow night

"kiss me"
please do

"i really love you"
i really don't

"yours forever"
more like never

"you're more than just a lover"*
joke of the century

Smooth and soft,
Like dough in my hands.

Cold yet sometimes so warm
So small yet so much.

The way you're so easy to spread,
You're an obsession that I must use daily.

Doesn't matter the time of day or night,
I can always depend on you to be there.

Your fair light yellow...
Light Yellow!?
Wait! This is margarine!!

I can't believe it's not butter.

Good joke to laugh
Good joke to happy
Bad joke to anger
Bad joke to annoy

Life is a joke
World is a comedy
I like joke
I like comedy

All men's telling joke
The world building a stage
My life is a joke
So i'll create the good joke

We're on a bomb site
behind the tabernacle
looking for some
ammunition for

my catapult
which I carry
in the back pocket
of my jeans

Fay is looking
amongst the debris
of old bombed
out houses

or just area  
left where
houses stood
it's a sunny day

holiday time
no school
-makes me happier-
is this one too big?

she asks
I look over
no that's a good one
I say

she brings it over
to where I stand
she holds it
between her

thin finger and thumb
and she drops it
into my palm
I weigh it up

and down then
drop it into
my pouch
-a knotted handkerchief-

she looks at me
her blue eyes
searching me
her fair hair

brought behind
her head in
a ponytail
have you ever

thought about self?
I look at her
self?
I say

what do you mean?
the I of us
what we call me
I look nonplus

and look down
for more small stones
a nun at school
said the I

in Christianity means
the I crossed out
in the form
of a cross

in other words
our self is not
more important
than that I or self

of another
and as a Christian
we should put
the self

of another first
I find a small stone
and pick it up
and finger it

so the cross is
supposed to show
self crossed out?
I say uncertainly

she looks at the stone
I'm holding
yes that's what
she was saying

self denial I think
is what she meant
Fay says
scratching her head

this nun at school
does she ever
tell jokes?
Fay frowns

no not as far
as I've heard
well I could
tell you one

O'Brien told me
but it's not for girls
to hear
not girls

as good as you
I say
Daddy says jokes
are sinful to say

and to hear Fay says
when I innocently
told him one
the other year

a girl at school told me
he spanked me
and said never
to hear or say jokes

ever again
what was the joke?
I ask
shouldn't say

she says
there's only you
and me here
no one will know

if you tell me
except God
and I guess He's
heard it before

I say
she looks at me
her blue eyes
staring

ok but don't
tell Daddy
I told you
she says

I promise not to tell
your old man
I say
well a man took his wife

to the cinema
and as they waited
in the queue
a man in front of them

passed wind
and the husband
said to the man
how dare you

pass wind
in front of my wife
and the man said
sorry I didn't know

it was her turn
I laugh and so does she
and I like how
her eyes sparkle

when she laughs
and her face lights up
like a summer day
then she's looks

at her hands
that was good
I say
but it's sinful

she says
but the brightness
in her face and eyes
didn't go away.