i remember the scratching sound of the record player
i remember the sharp blade of the scissors as the dim light reflected
i remember the noise of the cars 4 stories below
i remember the pills i thought of dying from so many times
i remember getting so acquainted with death that i tried to join him
i remember the red lines on my wrist
i remember feeling the sharp sting
i remember the music giving me life
i remember the music making me feel things that i don't feel
i remember the lights
i remember fading away
i remember my phone wallpaper
i remember the music taking me away
i remember blades of grass, so sharp in the morning sun
i remember sitting in my window nook as it rains
i remember the noise
i remember shutting down
i remember foggy mornings
i remember not talking
i remember not moving
i remember not being able to breathe
i remember the streetlights
i remember not feeling like myself
i remember looking in the mirror and seeing a stranger
i remember the sound of a fountain pen on parchment paper
i remember the taste of lemonade in the summer
i remember cloth scraping against flesh
i remember ribs poking through translucent skin
i remember dizziness
i remember the hunger
i remember the sun
i remember the rain
i remember drawing with posca markers on my arm
i remember dancing in puddles

Night came to reminisce the past
Lately realized; it won’t last
Never known they will bite the dust,
Sad to say, hard to take, it’s just.

Remember the diverse seasons
Smiling for distinct reasons
Frowning with some explanations
Simple yet complex descriptions.

I missed such accompaniment
Sentiments on our merriment
Don’t you implore for that moment,
Maybe because I’m too lenient.

Delightful yet painful memoir
This is simply paranoia
Deprivation of euphoria,
These epitaphs of nostalgia.

Now every single thing is gone
Even this poem is almost done
The sorrowful presence of none
And these happened because of one.

Simply because I remember.

No such thing as too much kissing
No such thing as too much love
No such thing as too many hours staring at each other
No such thing as too many cuddles
No such thing as too much longing
*No such thing as too much love

I remember the first breath of life
the blinding light of an innocent world
and the warmth of love and endearment.

I remember the first wobbly steps
through gurgles of a language only I understood
and the toothless smile reflected off my twin on the wall.

I remember the first spark of friendship
when I laughed and you laughed
and we smiled as the red string around our fingers tightened.

I remember the first pounding of my heart
when I locked eyes with smiling eyes
and I swore my heart was racing with the winds.

I remember the first ***** of betrayal
with screams and stares of hate and anger
hands trembling as we cut off the tied red string on our fingers.

I remember the first swell of pride
when I presented a night’s worth of work
and was showered with praise and adoration with smiles painted everywhere.

I remember the first door to literature
with the intoxicating smell of ink and weathered down pages
and lives spoken through words and feelings.

I remember my first shattered heart
frozen and numb with shock and acceptance
with thoughts only on why?

I remember the first light of love
through hugs and accepting smiles
adding to my growing smile and happiness.

I remember the first heartfelt separation
with happy excitement and tearful goodbyes
as I left without looking back.

I remember the first new beginning
as I stared at the foreign neighborhood
and wondered about the million possibilities that laid within it.

I remember the first dawning realization
when I stood alone and clueless
and knew that nobody would come to help me.

I remember the first timid attempt
as I spoke up and tried to connect
desperately clawing myself out of my protective hole.

I remember the first true smile
laughing and giggling and chuckling with friends
in the open air of freedom away from the confined hole.

I remember the first repeats into my shell
when being brave and assertive was too much
and the hole seemed so much more than just a jail.

I remember the first self-hatred
with fear imprinted in my eyes
and how could I let myself continue this way?

I remember the first new change
from the moldable girl who lost her way
to the fiery girl who decided to carve her own path.

I remember the first self-love
when I looked in the mirror and didn’t flinch
as I saw a beautiful girl who worked for what she wanted.

I remember many things,
many firsts of my life,
many positives and negatives,
many unforgettable moments,
which still continue on within a girl;
on and on until the end of time.

I remember Reaching for your hand before we first kissed.

I remember Enjoying the warmth of our hands touching as did our lips.

I remember Measuring my words whispered in your ear, to take you beyond bliss.

I remember Every tasted breath, before we kissed.

I remember Minutes spent together, the blood pounding in my state of light headed
bliss.

I remember Brown eyes drinking in my blue eyes, as we touched finger tips.

I remember Every tasted breath, before we kissed.

I remember Relishing the next time our hands would be closer than our lips.

I remember
the letter
you wrote
saying it was
better that
this was good-
bye, I was across
the country
and could
not test the
look in your
eyes, gone
cold. This
rememberance
is very old.

I still remember you.
Your smile, your laugh.
I remember everything you used to do.
It's been eight years
And yet i still have so many fears.
I thought you being gone would make me stronger...maybe I just have to wait a little while longer.

i can handle remembering the date of his birthday.
i can handle the major memories.
what sets me back are the snippets of the life i had with him.
like the way he was always beside me,
like the way he refused to leave my side when i was hurt,
like the way he wanted to see what i just wrote down,
like the way he nonchalantly blows butterflies to my stomach.
those memories always break my heart.
they come when i have a good day.
they come when i do something or hear something or see something
and when i remember, i can't stop remembering everything else that happened between us.
that what sets me back from moving on.

When you saw me
With those blue eyes,
My sadness crept.
How can you see
Through your own lies,
Where others wept?

Stop! I won't think;
Not of our past,
Not our present.
I will not sink,
Not now, I'll last
And be pleasant.

You broke my heart,
I broke your hand;
It's a fair trade.
You tear me apart;
I hide in sand,
Waiting to fade.