In the brash brassy light you stand,
shaky, on two feet
like a lethargic elephant

swaying---always swaying
and the light keeps blazing
and your head keeps spinning

You are beyond the point of exhaustion
there is nothing left
no trace of the self that was

If it is time to sleep
Sleep will not come
She is mad at you

you have refused her
for too long- an accident,
really- but normally

she welcomes you back
normally she is happy to
see you, and you float into her arms

not this time

so you keep swaying under that light
until crawling into bed
and the waiting begins

-------------------------------------

While the world sleeps
you turn and turn
worn from the hours
of thinking about anything
but sleep
the comforter brings no comfort
the pillow does not ease the strain
of your neck, the weight of
your head or
of that racing mind

the worst part about being awake
in the middle of the night
is that there is time
to think about all the thoughts
you pushed away before-
they creep up
and turn into waking nightmares
beastly what-ifs and why-didn’t-I’s

the insomniac is most insecure
with nothing to do

during the day you may
busy your tired body with tasks
ignoring the ache of the eyelids,
the pounding of the head

but at night you cannot
make yourself move
a house is sleeping
the world is sleeping
and you have to pretend
that you are as well

so you stare up at the ceiling
(you have memorized the cracks)
or you count and count sheep
(you have reached 100 and back)
and it’s all so pointless
don’t you see?

The Insomniac is fighting a battle
that never ends

a battle that makes you weaker everyday

how long till your body gives out
and will not fight
anymore?

To know you,
I have forgotten my impetuosity.
Silk reeling off from cocoons,
layer by layer,
as I spend every second unveiling
your happiness,
your stumbles,
things you despise,
things you love,
and things you live for.
I've gone from being infatuated
with your smile
to falling in love
with every facet of you.

Even the most ethereal semantics can not conjure
the lovely wishes we share:
maple-tinted sunsets,
heart-shaped pancakes,
kisses on the neck,
sporadic dances on the kitchen floor...

You strum the strings of a guitar
carelessly,
improvising a lovely tune
we heard
as we passed by the record store.
An enthralling picture,
how I long
to lay my eyes on you
for a lifetime.

One day,
I will show up in your city
wearing my prettiest dress
with all my butterflies
and dewy flowers
and fallen leaves,
searching
a destination for all my wanderings.

I hope the breeze
caresses your eyelids like velvet
when you gaze into my eyes.
Irregular heartbeats,
interlaced whims,
entwined arms...

You smile.

Suddenly,
the world fades.
Suddenly,
stars align.

i am the insomniac's day dream
but i am tired of carrying your bags, too
i am exhausted from cradling your face, shushing and swaying and singing lullabies
whispering secrets kept out of apathy
deaf ears and blind eyes and scrambled brain - sunny side up at three in the morning
i am so tired that all i want to do is run and jump and yell and ask why things happen the way that they happen
who set all this up and what do they want from me
what are those noiseless sounds that fill a dark room
why did you take my charles bukowski book when you left
fingerless hands paw at the missing pages
but there isn't anything there, not anymore

I lie awake
awaiting sleep
I lie in wait
For a moment's peace

But this restless energy will not leave me be
No wide yawns or heavy lids will come to set me free

"Sleep, sleep"
I whisper, in tune to my heart beat
"Drink me"
The coffee at my bedside tempts me

I close my eyes and start to count sheep
"Sleep, sleep" I whisper softly

"**** it" I eventually groan
reaching for my coffee

You're the book that I read at night.
You're the flower that I water at night.
You're the poem that I write at night.
You're the movie that I watch at night.
You're the song that I listen to at night.
You're the game I play at night.
You're the snacks that I eat at night.
You're the art that I sketch at night.
You're the bike that I ride at night.
You're the pillow that I cry upon at night.
You're the moon that I talk to at night.
You're the star that I admire at night.
You're the air that I breathe at night.
You're the music that I compose at night.
You're the candle that I light at night.
You're the teddy that I hug at night.

My eyes don’t shut
It’s as if they are glued open 24 hours a day
My brain doesn’t shut up
If it was a person, it would speak all day
I try to count some sheep
But my eyes never seem to sleep
So ill just sit back, relax
and stay an insomniac