anxiety
depression
anxiety
depression

the only things that never leave your side
the ones that are always there for you
distracting you from the world
as your life passes you by

constantly reminding you
that you don't need anyone else
so why would that be a question

"hey it's us again! the ones that
assure commitment,
anxiety and depression"

you cling to their words
as they've lived up to their promises
of never leaving you alone

"never question our loyalty we'll always be here!
you're wanted, we want you! and that will never be unknown!"

"we're not sure why you don't want us around
you're always saying you want someone to come in your life
and stay a while
we thought coming around when you felt lonely
would at least make you smile!"

I was never scared of the dark until I met anxiety and depression
they lurk in the nights and watch me sleep and then yell "WAKE UP"
to let me know that self guilt and sadness is still in my possession

it's time to go out and find the cure for this stupid disease
the only things that will make them go away, self love & inner peace

it will be a long time before i find it
but i know who will push me
in the right direction

my old friends who said they'd stay by my side!
Remember them? Anxiety & Depression.

An empty boat glides through a tide-less sea
Echos of thunderous silence reminisces the rowdy sailors once on board
Without fear they sailed across the dark waters
Without the knowledge of forthcoming doom they kept the spirits high
Navigation impaired by the wrath of silence, their abominable gaiety and preposterous hopes were muted for eternity
Life drained, flesh rotted, bones crumbled to dust, and the boat was filled with peaceful death
Though without an inhabitant it still continues to drift towards a predesitned chaos
Its calm trail behind disrupted by an impatient tranquility
Its still path ahead disallows all animations with an unfluent time
Yet it moves forward

This thing I thought I could grasp,
Desperately I try to hold on to it,
This thing I never had,
I knew this illusion wouldn’t last,

It disappears as soon as we reach for it,
It’s as thin as the mountain air,

For a moment we lie to ourselves,
placing it securely and safely on a shelf.
Even though it is a forced perception, A contrived illusion.
Once we leave the room...
As soon as we lock and bolt the door...
we wont see it anymore.

We never realize the freedom there is in letting go,

We would be happier admitting this concept is completely fictitious.
We could break this circular pattern, this cycle so vicious.

I've spent too much time trying to hold it in my hands,
Making myself the victim of my own laid out plans.

I walked today to the ocean bay
In my pants and dress i went in
The water was not cold
The tides pushed and pulled me
Soothed me
What a beautiful day to be my last
Rocks flew from my hands and skipped upon the surface
A long time i stood
Wanting to jump in and disapear
Down in the water i saw beautiful rainbows
Shimmers of light weaved between
Thoughts about lungs filled with salt water
Thoughts of loved ones left behind
A rock named Integrity stopped me
Waist deep i picked her up
She lives in my pocket now
And the ocean in my heart
Even the small things
Can give a new start

I want to say thank you now
for every poet here
who dares to use their voice
in prose
to face their deepest inner fear

that we alone are not enough when that is just a bald faced lie
cuz we were born just perfectly the truth
and we will be more so when
eventually we die
we just forget this incoveinent truth
because
they
clipped our wings to stop our fly
embedded in deep messages
and told to us as wicked lie
and when I think about this now
it really makes me shrug & sigh
and every now and then ya know
it overwhelms
and then my spirit has enough to  cry

****.
deeper sigh....

I believe,

we hear a voice of broken generations
we hear deep within our mind
and that voice it could be one or many
and man that thing can be so ******* mean unkind
but we can unlearn deprogram change
and what you think inside we'll find?

EVERYTHING.

Ma Cherie © June 2018

I think i'm fine but i'm suppressing
To hide weakness and pain is to pretend
But in reality of my desperation,
I crave for attention

Attention to be heard with my silence
But sometimes silence is so loud
It makes me want to disappear

It's this feeling that I can't explain
For even though i'm not alone
I still can't find my inner peace

When you look for love in all the wrong faces
It just leads you to end up in dark places

If you let someone control how you feel
How the hell are you meant to heal

Take some time out on concentrate on yourself
I keep telling you work on your emotional wealth

You need time to learn to love you
And feel positive about what you say and do

To look in the mirror and the reflection
And recognise your perfect imperfections