I try to tell myself everything I do is not for you
My life it revolves
The sun the stars the moon
I stand before the mirror trying to see myself clearer
Tears morph my body’s shape
Blurred like spilled paint
I whisper, “I hate you” as I stare at my face
I can’t breathe, so faster I try
Lightheaded vision, gagging, wanting to die
But the most I do is cry.

I drift lonely, lonely for you
You’re my depression, you’re my muse
Self hatred claims my compass,
So I follow it into the forest
And loathe your loving,
It infects me like fungus
Now I’m lost and scared
Inside my brain, you inject your lethal stain
I follow you on your path of wonder till I collapse
Exhaustion, pain, death, relapse

I idolize you and your flaws
How you seem so free
While around me forms a mist of misery
A clouded conscious with what I made you my life
Now I hate everything that I am,
And nothing’s right
Unmotivated, unsure
I allow you to engulf me; careless for a cure
I know what I’m doing but I don’t know who I am
Still on my knees I pray to you,
The blood slain of my own lamb.
My addiction to your presence has forced me to beg for more
I don’t know why I can’t end this war.

Who stands by me now I face the demon?
Who will be beside me now I cannot see the sun?

Now my strength is dropping, my courage is stopping, who's here to pass me the gun?

I do not remember climbing this mountain on my own.
Everyone I had are now suddenly gone.

Who will aid me slaughtering this giant demon?
Who will drag my limbs back to the sun?
Who stands by me, now this fight has begun?

Where are you! Yes you! Who knows my pleads too well.
Where were you at the ringing of the drums and the bell.

Why leave me on the top of the mountain, why leave me ready to die.
Where are you now I'm standing this high.
Why did you leave without saying goodbye.
Ready to see my dead body even try.

Where are you now I'm about to give in.
Who will stop me to surrender?
Who will see me step in,
the demon's fury, so hot and tender.

She was scared of the monsters
Hiding under her bed
But the scariest of them all
Were the ones in her head

there we stay
twisting, snapping, following
each other
round and round and round
locked
in battle unwinnable

teeth sunk into
my thigh
hands at your furred neck
grasping, growling struggle
neverending

You warned me about your demons
I said I didn't mind
And I didn't
Until they dragged me down
To hell with you