I have an awful habit
of always going
where I am needed
and never having
my needs met
until someone
realizes it
and relieves it
A gust of wind
pierces through
my soul
Buttons torn off
and floating
Blouse torn
down the middle
as I walk
into mourning
I own a body
I don’t believe in
If only it could
match my soul’s
experience
I try to age it
by smoking heavily
and then burning
all the evidence
Such lies
always lead to
happiness
and never
severance
I wear my heart
on the outside
like an infant
held in reverence  
simply for surviving

Wheels of life on asphalt tracks
Took me to that place
A memory I now inscribe with graphite
Time cannot erase

Crimson clouds in lilac skies
Snow white peaks,unchanged
Verdure allure all along
The river of eternal grace

Scarlet luminescence filtered by
Chlorophyll, fell on the tiny waves
Of the narrow turquoise ocean
Flowing in a most perfect pace

It courted the daughter of ice
As it was flowing by
Their waters met
I can't forget
Their ******* in the crimson light

Stars appeared
The trip was near
It's end, but, still

I bid goodbye
We'll meet next time
Rivers of the hill

the starving child with filthy hands
reaches quietly towards me for anything i can give
knowing from experience that cries will fall on deaf ears

i turn my face away
refusing to feed the pathetic creature
because i want some semblance of superiority over something for once in my life

because when i was starving
not for food, but for something far more filling
i too was left wanting
and i need someone to feel that desperation too

because i want that child to learn as i did
that the world is a cruel place
and that you need to learn how to feed yourself
or perish in slow starvation

because when you give away all that you have
leaving nothing for yourself to gnaw upon
you are no better than the starving masses you serve
and death is far better than what you deserve

the child and i will starve together

like a winter wind you whisper through
the smallest imperfections in the
brick and mortar walls i’ve built around my heart

i didn’t even build windows or doors this time around
thinking it would keep this fortress
secure
safe
secluded

even so you’ve somehow managed to infiltrate
erode my defenses
penetrate
the tiniest pores in the brick and split them open, exposing me to the elements again

i shiver, unprotected and afraid
the salt still streaks my face from the last hurricane
the sword still at my side
too heavy now to lift against you
and even if it wasn’t
would it pierce you, or would i simply hurt myself again?

at any rate, you move too quickly for me to anticipate

the wind is too strong
now that my cliffside fortress is in ruins
my eyes water and it is far too difficult to predict your next move when all i can see is your wild eyes and feral smile

i don’t want to fight you
even if it means i will be undone
because i would rather be broken
than break you

You bloom like the shining sun
Amidst the waters of impure mud
Spreading beauty and hope for all
Blossoming from that little bud.

You are the manifestation of purity
You symbolize God
You represent will-power
You are the floral lord.

Filled with magnificence
Oh! How beautiful you look
Your glory lies in your simplicity
The way your petals bloom

In midst of these still waters blue and black
Beneath this infinite sky
Looking at those endless stars
Like a lone hermit, you enlighten my mind.

my lips are coated in dust from centuries of silence
cobwebs lace between my eyelashes from decades of darkness
the spiders who made them have moved on or died long ago
the dead ones curled up
rigor mortis in my ears
my flesh decays
i no longer remember when the crows last came to feast
before the rotting began
i do, however, remember that i was once alive
and had been when i was buried here

i was taken from my home, wrenched from my bed in the middle of the night
by six hulking figures that wore my face
icy cold hands with vice like grips around my wrists, throat, and ankles dragged me through the dark and empty streets, silent but for my screams
they did not answer when i asked them what they wanted
they did not listen when i pleaded for my life

the sun was beginning to rise as we arrived at my tomb
they released me and i stood to face them
my back to the black entrance
i knew in my heart that i was meant never to feel the warmth of another day
they would not let me, and i was not strong enough to take them all on
knowing this, tears fell from my captors’ eyes and mine
i turned and walked inside, my final act of free will
the figures watched

time passed
hours turned to days, which began to fade, like my memory of colors
i have since lost track of time, having no light or method with which to keep it
i can only assume it has been a while, whatever that means

i have stopped wondering why i am here
the wondering without answers would have driven me mad

would have driven me mad

would have driven me mad

would have driven me mad

Second chances exist in the smell of pine needles on a winter day
A walk as the day wakes, bleary eyed and yawning
As dawn breaks to show sunlight over the steepest cliff
The wind in my hair even after I swore I’d shave it off

It exists in the Avett brother songs
Words I learned from someone I used to hate
Melodies that help me heal even now
While the record spins by my bed and I feel like like I’m just now breathing for the first time
The birds chirp to their tune and I can’t help but sigh deep,
in and out

Second chances exist in these moments I’ve crafted
The smell of a candle from a friend long ago
A necklace someone once thought I’d hate
On the dresser my mother built for me
Books I shared with the girl I grew up with
Pages I prayed she’d hold dear even when we parted
A well loved shirt and a hope for my future

Of coffee and cold mornings with you by my side
As we dance to no song, in time
Step, and swing.
You in my arms and your love in my heart.
Onward, towards nothing in particular.

Let me take you
Put your hand in mine: in all softness and frankness:
And let us dance
Spin and flurry through a world of white, lavender, gorgeous scarlet, and vigorous cerulean-
The wind our friend, our toes like feathers

Prancing across earth
Held to each other only
by our very fingertips
Never afraid of letting
go

We’re in a forest of orange and bright gold in the sky
Floating toes brushing only air
Soft leaves shroud our heads
we’re blind to everything else
Your lips curl in pure joy, they spill staccato laughter
music to my ears
In this moment, in this breath, we are
Nothing else.
Saw the sun and the moon one and the same
Eclipses of light spanning the entire ocean
It was a world above heaven
and

I saw
you
Hair flying- your locks heavy with shadow and glimmering with light
Face carved from the most
precious
Of nature’s birth and bloom
My eyes tracing your steady legs and gentle hands- to rest on
yours-
your time-stopping; shattering; heartbreakingly beautiful
eyes.


We took off
To a world we had never seen; of new colors and jumping sounds and daunting heights and terrifying speeds-
Look at all this sky! Look at all our freedom! Why search for ground if we weren’t ever to land?
We could go anywhere in the universe- you and I! All of this boundless, endless space!
Let us wrack and demolished to shards, those chains that bound us to the ground-
and let us fly free, free, free-
Just you and I-
flying-


we are free




The sky is iridescent above the clouds
before our clear gazes
I see your face
as beautiful
as pure
as I remember it;
as our hair
tangles in the wind;
and our essence becomes
one-


and…


    follow me, my dear.

Follow me as we


                                     f
                                      a
                       ­                 l  
                                         l


softly tattering into pieces and slivers and smudges
devastating
unravel into a thousand petals
a flurry of pieces that used to be ourselves,
resting on the ground like fallen feathers----
-

never
to
come back
again





our wings have died

our legs have crumbled

and my fingers have gone,

i can no longer see or feel your

beautiful, beautiful face or hair or hands





Ah, can you feel it?          
Can you feel the darkness?
It’s closing in, it’s swallowing us whole,
The point of no return with no choice but to end
Darkness has chased us in
Only black oblivion waits






but i won’t forget

not in my last moments of existence

and  not to the death of my sentient memory

i will

never

forget you

your laugh

your flying hair

your sparkling eyes



even if all ends

even if


i die.




























(do you regret it, my dear?