I'm tired of being told to grow up;
I don't want to grow...
I want to bloom, to blossom
In the most exotic place.
I want to separate my cement barrier
And start my reign over the abandoned.

I want to add beauty in this bricked place.
I don't want to be confined
underneath conceited government.
I am self-governing
I am forever changing
forever a beautiful flower.

I am no leader
But I am my own path
That will not be blocked
by the judgment of closed windows.

In the most exotic place
I will bloom
If you are looking for me
Follow the trails of golden petals
I leave behind.

I have many flaws about me, some are worse than others. I do things to anger people purposeful and not. I don't always express myself or emotions in the best way, yet I try to catch myself. I'm not always happy with my self image and can be depressed. I do try to deal with my stresses and anxiety the way I can, but it doesn't seem so to others. I've not always made the best decisions, but thought they were at the time. Some were of pure stupidity, but only fault of my own.My anger can get the best of me verbally, and am regretful. I know I'm not perfect, but can admit it!!!



However, I don't try to change others as they try me. I try to give wholeheartedly, asking little in return. I try to hear both sides of things, yet I fall on deaf ears!! I try to keep open minded, even if I'm closed out against. Ive had stones cast at me from my Judgers, but am in the wrong for defending myself.  I ask to be accepted as who I am, yet bend to change to the will of others. I am driven back to a corner, yet I try to be kind!!



I am human, flawed, imperfect, and with faults! I am full of love and affection when not forced to betray myself!  I am only walking this world as anyone else! I AM ME!

I AM the wind
That blows through your hair.
I AM the eagle
That soars through the air.
I AM the sun
That radiates your skin.
I AM the light
That fills all men.

Where you cannot see me,
Where you cannot feel me,
I AM there.

What am I?
I am that friend that will stay awake with you until four in the morning to talk you off the ledge, or to listen to you vent.
I am that friend that you can ***** over hundreds of times, and I will get over it to give you another chance. Even if you don't deserve it.
I am that friend that wants nothing more than for you to be happy and content with your life and yourself.
I am that friend that does absolutely everything in my power to make you understand how amazing you are.
I am that friend that hates to see my friends broken.

What am I not?
I am not that friend that others will stay awake with to talk off the ledge or listen to my vents.
I am not that friend that will ***** you over a hundred times.
I am not that friend that people give a rat's *** if they're happy or content.
I am not that friend that is asked if I'm okay. I literally have to get it out on my own to someone because no one cares.
I am not the first choice friend, family member, or person.
I am not the funniest person.
I am not popular.
I'm not gorgeous.
I'm not brilliant.
I'm not skinny.

I am there for myself to pick my own pieces off the ground. Everyone else has their own problems to deal with, why should I ask them to help me with mine?

I do not have the answers that you seek.
I am not strong; I am weak.
I am not who you are looking for.
If I was, I am no more.

I am void.

Invisible and not important,
To anyone including myself.

I am ugly.

This beautiful face betrays me,
I must have a wicked soul.

I am empty.

Giving so much of myself to others,
Yet I get nothing I need in return.

I am vacant.

You see it in my eyes,
Light dimming with each breath.

I am bare.

Stripped of all comfort and security,
Naked before you I feel ashamed.

I am worthless.

An item traded for lesser value,
Something you couldn't wait to donate.

I am nothing.

A shadow on the wall,
A small thought that rarely wonders to the surface.

I am so very lonely.

I am not the amount of likes my selfies get. I am not the amount of heads that turn when I walk into a room. I am not the amount of makeup I wear. I am not the weight I gain or loose. I am not the brands I have. I am none of that.

But I'll tell you what I am...
I'm a thinker.
I'm a writer.
I'm a fighter.
I'm my faith.
I'm my laughter.
I'm a sister.
I'm a friend.
I'm shy.
I'm smart.

And I'm still learning that what matters is what's inside my heart.

So, hello
My name is Shayla
I have a lot of problems
I am aloof
I am loud
I am crazy to some
But most importantly
I am me.

Is it the future that I fear?
The war
always ever near?
But really, so what
if life is unclear?
I can hear
the whispers of my Lord,
who is always nearer,
who's sole purpose:
to steer
my ship to safety.
He brings to me
those good tidings
of joy
and peace.
This war I'm fighting...
the uncertainty
overwhelming me...
everything
has already been won
By the love and sacrifice
of the Almighty Son.
He who bids unto all men,
"come."

I am
dry, high
slowly blinking
my mouth can't fathom
this whiplash of an after taste
experienced through experience
the taste of hatred wrapped in anguish
so masterfully disguised with sly
sarcasm rippling off that side
smirk creeping on angles
in darkness ebbing
into the noth-
ing-ness
I am


*s.q.