I am afraid of letting go
And losing control

I am afraid of being happy
Of waking up wanting to start the day
Of accepting myself for who I am
Of losing the motivation for my art because I’m no longer so sad and alone
Of losing the bubble I created for writing since I have no one to turn to
no one to talk to
no one to belong to

I am afraid of being

I am afraid of the potential I possess
I don’t mean to sound arrogant or proud
Because I’m not

I am just me

Mikayla

I walk around the halls sheltered and afraid
Afraid of the people I see around me
Every one of these individuals has a hidden talent,
A secret,
A love, A vice,

And what do I have?
Just me.

Mikayla DeAnn.

If I am not walking with a false bravado
Shining plastered smiles to hide my fear
I am invisible
I am shoved
Pushed
Tossed
Turned
Unrecognizable

Mikayla DeAnn Kay

I am afraid of letting go
If I let go, I am letting go of the control I possess,
My only vice
I am letting go of the years of “you’re not good enough”
The years of “you’re not pretty enough”
The years of “you’re not skinny enough”
The years of “you’re not worthy”
The years of “you do not belong”

Mikayla DeAnn

I want to shine
I want to smile
I want to make others happy without losing pieces of myself
I want to be confident in what I like
What I wear
What I desire
I want to feel whole
I want to be seen

I want to become… no

I am

Mikayla

I am
    am
         m
         am I?

I am a paper girl with words on my skin and ink in my veins
I am a open book with stories to be told and secrets inside
I am a god of words with rhymes in my heart and a healing song
I am a comforting touch with a soft hand and a light peck on the cheek
I am a poet and with passion I enlighten the world with my resolution

I have been quiet for a long time.
But that doesn't give you the right to take my silence for granted or to taunt me, torture me or traumatize me even.
For there is always a calm before the storm and
I don't intend to say that I carry a storm inside me or with me
because I am one.

i am here, i am nowhere
i am here, still out there somewhere
i am here, somehow missing
i am here, always thinking
i am here, stuck with my thoughts
i am here, feeling lost
i am here, i am alone
i am here, i want to find my home

I am the only one I trust the most
I am the only one I compete with
I am the only one to love the most
Said Wayland the badass-smith
I am my best friend in need
I am my rattlesnake- ****
I am..... Are you????