When I say Zombies ate my neighbors, I'm not talking about a video game.
Zombies ate my neighbors and I'm one of the Zombies who is to blame.
Because my family and I are undead, it put us in very bad moods.
My family and I croaked because our neighbors poisoned our food.
A big corporation was going to pay top dollar for every house on the block.
But when my family and I refused to sell, the neighbors were angry and shocked.
I wouldn't sell the house that I've lived in since I was five.
And that is why my wife and kids and I did not survive.
Our neighbors had a barbecue and my family and I ate the food that they grilled.
But we wouldn't have touched the food if we had known that we would be killed.
My family and I have risen from the grave, we have green skin and are zombies.
When our neighbors saw us, they ****** their pants and cried for their mommies.
Our neighbors killed us because money was something they thought they'd gain.
When we had our homicidal neighbors for supper, we started with their brains.
Our greedy neighbors killed us and we returned the favor.
Stay away from my family and I because human flesh is what we savor.

I address this letter to you, in part
to speak of a new time in my life.
For a dashing beau has stolen my heart -
your youngest is set to become a wife!
His touch is cold as a December day,
but his heart’s warm as the high summer sun.
He doesn’t seem the type to go and stray,
just don’t expect grandbabes - he ain’t much fun!
He’s a striking gentleman, famous too,
and he pens the most beautiful of works!
So, with this, my life shall begin anew.
Hello city folk, goodbye Georgia berks!
If y’all plan to meet, you’re plum outta luck,
alas, my dear Edgar is dead as ****.

- t.h.

So what I helped a bit,
Turned a blind eye,
Have I not always taught him
To reach for the sky?

He’s a good boy,
Maybe just lost,
But he tries so **** hard
Little knowing the cost.

I must though admit
I too was quite thrown
By the sheer huge amounts
Of payments since shown.

And then here comes Trump
Full of his bluster,
Figuring we’re the Indians
And somehow he’s General Custer.

I know facts aren’t his bag,
He’s short with the truth,
But even he can’t deny
Custer’s end was uncouth.

Peppered with arrows,
Stripped to the skin,
A little demeaning
To want to be him?

But then I forget
The guy’s a big star
And with make-believe
He’s clearly gone far.

Time for a reckoning,
My boot’s on my foot
A strong upward kick
And he’ll surely stay put.

I’m sure I’m quite right,
I cannot be wrong,
I was always so bright.
My memory’s strong.

I well racked my brain,
Considered all facts
And with consummate strain
Followed the tracks.

The Kurds were not there
Nowhere in sight,
This I declare
Knowing I’m right.

That day on the beaches,
With fighting so strong,
As history teaches,
No Kurds came along.

Now they seek succor,
Too late by a mile,
When so far in the gutter
They needn’t me dial.

They claim we should help them,
Protect them from foes,
It’s me they condemn
For their long list of woes.

Get with the program,
Move it along
Hurry and scram
From the conquering throng.

Don’t try and convince me
I’ve made the wrong choice,
I’m sure you’ll agree
You haven’t a voice.

In my infinite wisdom
I tell you this thing,
In this here my kingdom
Will the pendulum swing;

One minute the Kurds
So cute in their garb,
The other the Turks
With their venomous barb.

The former I’m told
Are people to trust,
But I just like the bold
That don’t self-combust.

Give me a winner,
A strong man each time,
I’d rather a sinner
Who’ll follow my line.

Call me ‘cold-hearted’
But what do I care,
The process now started
Depicts my great flair.

Like a conductor
I set forth the tone,
The finest instructor
The world’s ever known.

Let’s finish this bleating
And follow my lead,
So the Kurds get a beating,
A serious nosebleed;

They’re nothing to me,
Just a festering sore,
I hereby decree
This subject’s a bore.

If love is a two way street
I'm the person on the sidewalk

Oh the coworker
the unadulterated
unparalleled
utterly useless,
coworker

I love the way
your eyes light up
while staring at your phone

I adore the way
you inspire action
through your inaction

I admire the way
your attention to detail
is seen through your snide remarks

Oh coworker
I aspire to attain
your level
of not giving ****

God what a mess,
My head is spinning,
Each day more stress,
Am I still winning?

Wall street crashing,
The economy near stall,
The media’s constant bashing,
Pelosi’s new curve ball.

My plans are now in tatters,
Forestalled at every turn,
To do what really matters
Is all I truly yearn.

I’m gearing for a fight
The like they’ve never seen,
I use my mouth to bite
And care little if I’m mean.

I’ll tear each one to shreds,
Flail them side to side,
Get well into their heads,
Give them quite a ride.

Clearly they don’t know
The grief they have in store,
They’ll reap what they now sow,
It’s nothing short of war.

Like Bombers flying high
Releasing their payload,
Shells falling from the sky,
I’ll give them what they’re owed.

Cross me once
And risk my wrath,
Yours the choice
To take that path.

Cross me twice
And stay awake,
You’ve cast your dice,
What a mistake.

I remember what happened 24 years ago.
I went to Walmart and bought a 3DO.
The 3DO was a video game console and it was 32 Bit.
Contrary to what some believe, it wasn't a *******.
It was almost as good as Sony's original Playstation.
I decided to buy a 3DO after some consideration.
I eventually bought the original Playstation but I bought the 3DO first.
It wasn't the greatest video game console but it certainly wasn't the worst.
It had some great games: Killing Time, Road Rash and the original Need For Speed.
But Plumbers Don't Wear Ties was so terrible that it will make your eyes bleed.
I was only twenty-four years old at the time, that was half a lifetime ago.
Panasonic, Sanyo and GoldStar were the three companies who manufactured the 3DO.