I didn't know
I've been doing this for so long
I met you online
We had only one chat
About an hour
But you changed my life
In a bad way
In a way I can't describe
At that exact moment
The lies started
And have never stopped since

All I ever wanted was that hour glass.
To be pretty and normal like them.
To be the cheerleader
To not be the freak.

All I ever wanted was that hour glass.
A figure like my mom and sisters
To be long tall and desirable.
To not be like me.

all I ever wanted was that hour glass
But nature wasn’t kind to me.
A cups, a skinny waste and a round fat behind.
Are what I got instead.

All I wanted was an hour glass.
Not just 90 pound of low self esteem
And a round fat ***.

behind the curtains behind the back
behind the new spaces
behind the back new curtains behind the back
new means old and vice versa
behind back behind back
behind back behind back
my

gone day and gone hour
wasn't it always the case
what is always our every hour
we were with red napkins
and all forever they spun and flew
we have with us somewhere near namely
behind back behind back behind your
and my

31.10.18

and this rain and this sun
and this day says again
says your melody
your long lost name
both this hour and this minute
again my tears are flowing
and repeats again and again
an hour and everything is born again
and dies and everything disappears again
all over and over again
first birthdays and last
days are the days of my life and yours and
your happiness and your sadness
everything again and again everything goes lives
both this night and this rainstorm
i hear your name again and again

26.10.18

i laugh, i joke, i play around
the busy days are the reason why i'm around
the days of working, fighting, staying up late
those busy days that keep me awake

i smile, i talk, i hold back my frown
the busy hour is what keeps me down
the hour that i don't have to face myself
that busy hour that i can fill my hollow shell

but the time comes when i'm no longer busy
my loneliness is the only thing that stays with me
that time that i turn into a void of nothingness
when it's only me, my sorrow and my emptiness

a warm sheet to comfort
us from the cold
of the room

a sun kissed hair i smell
as we cuddle
through the night

to question what we are
to question where we'll be
you gave my heart a beating
adrenaline rushing

my poor eyesight
made it difficult to see
in the dark
but a foreign image
in my head
made it clear,
a neurotic blueprint

we were anxious
we are doubtful
but the moment we stopped
it all began

an angel in the night
a heaven in hell
now we bind
by the kiss
in the devil's hour