These hands were made for holding
Then came fear and taught me how to grasp

These lungs were made for holding
Then came anxiety and taught me how to gasp

This heart was made for holding
Then came love and taught me how to clasp

walk firmly looking up front as if there was no problem
i walk in front of you because i want you to see how fix i am like a rubiks cube.
i want you to look at me in the eye while i walk passed you. and i want you to remember how you messed-up every color in my life.
i want to tell you a story of how much morphine i took just to numb the pain i holding, while you seem like nothing happened.

i remember the pain i'm holding, while you holding someone hands.
while you are content and i'm not
while i'm suffering in this pain like a fire, burning in my heart.

i want you to remember the memories. the memories that haunt you till the rest of you life.
i want you to look at me in the eye and look down on me and walk passed by

the whole night
i've been holding my breath
without realising,
so when i exhale
it surprises me with an intensity
i've never known.

Tears rolling down my cheeks
Rain pouring on mountains
Water gushing down fountains
Ice frozen on its peaks
I've been crying for weeks
My cheeks still have the tear streaks
My eyelashes all wet
My eyes can't forget
Going over and over it makes me cry more
I keep sobbing on this cold floor
I can't hold it in anymore
Leaning against this rough wooden door
I let my tears pour
~25/4/21

“Words are everything”, said the poet
And he was willing to let them go
to continue to love her