Wake up.
Put your mask on.
Make yourself invisble to pain.
Dont break.
Dont cry.
Dont fall.
Dont smile to much.
Dont be to happy.
Dont talk to much.
Dont look anyone in the eye.
Dont show emotion.
Dont feel..

Make yourself look perfect for a person.
Make yourself look "good enough"

Dont eat to much.
Dont talk to certain people.
Dont be friends with this person.
Dont get good grades.
Dont be better than someone else is.
Always stick below everyone one else.

Dont be noticed to much..

Go home.
Cry.
Throw something.
Make yourself look not perfect.
fall to the floor.

I keep having this dream where
I'm 14 again and I'm sure you're the love of my life but
I keep doing stupid things
And you keep saying stupid things
And all of our friends , they call us a stupid thing
Because really ,
All we do is fight
And it tears them apart
Seeing us tear eachother apart
And you're just standing there
Bc you know I'm gonna leave again
Bc I've left
A dozen times and once more at a cemetery
But this time it's different bc this time when i try to leave I trip over the reason I fell in love with you in the first place and instead of getting up I just kneel there

My mind feels empty
I have to fill it with statistics,
German books and algebra.
Lost words put on test sheets
are the result of having to fill
my mind with things
I don't believe in.
Fill my mind with the
warmth of your skin,
The sound of your voice
and the words you say
These will never turn into lost words
put on test sheets,
or make my mind feel empty.
Cause the feeling of you
doesn't leave me questioning

I think of you,
While in the streets.
Where the cold air blew,
Where sun and moon meets.

I think of you,
While in the jeep.
When people are few,
When I fall asleep.

I think of you,
While on the stairs.
Where we talked onto,
Where we gave cares.

I think of you,
While in the corridors,
When the sky is blue,
When all are happy colors.

I think of you,
Are you happy?
Do you think of me too?
Is this we are to be?

Thinking about you,
Ruins me.
Thinking about you,
Kills me.

I'm haunted by these demons within.
Unable to let light in.
I'm desperate for an end to this pain.
As I hit rock bottom once again.

I am searching for a sign.
Something to tell me I will be fine.
I need a distraction or a way to cope.
Before I give up all hope.

So I surrender.
I'm giving up.
I need a little help
To pick myself back up.
I cant do this alone,
Please let light be shown.
I surrender...

I've done things I'm not proud of.
And I just can't seem to rise above.
I turned away from truth.
I realized I'm not bulletproof.

Scars remind me of mistakes made.
Lonely nights drawing with a blade.
Things people said that cut deep.
Stressful nights without sleep.

So I surrender.
I'm giving up.
I need a little help
To pick myself back up.
I cant do this alone,
Please let light be shown.
I surrender...

Lavender and lapis
Cinnamon and coffee
Cigarettes and tantric ***
Acoustic guitar and piano keys
Puddles and missed buses and Mp3 playlists
My highschool years weren't so bad

Summer nights long forgotten filled with sticky air and ***** feet.
Nights that didnt begin until 10 pm.  
I was always the ghost when we played ghost in the graveyard,
running to the same hiding spot among the wheat every time.  
All I could hear was my breathing and their screams as they pretended to look for me and very quickly give up
I picked at grass for hours as the moon inflated and the air tricked you into thinking it was December and not August
  They would always start a bonfire and tell stories and laugh.
I have scars on my feet from running so fast down that dirt road,
always just stopping before hitting the interstate.  
I was only 10.  I still believed in belonging.

I am always the ghost on friday nights.  
Empty invites,
“come back to my place for a few drinks, my parents are out of town.  Everyone’s coming.”
Just take me home.
Please just take me home.
Don’t look at me like that.
My house is the third on the right.

The girl I made a blood pact with won’t look at me in the hallway.  
The boy I held as he cried about his father sits with a girl I know he can’t love.
I have friends, oh I have so many friends.  

We used to run through the forests like our soles were on fire.  
Little did we know soon it wouldn’t be just the skin under our feet that was burning.  
We used to pretend we had super powers.  
She used to say she could make force fields,
and I don’t doubt for a second that when she refuses dinner and goes to her room early that a force field is exactly what she has made.  
He said he was so strong he could lift buildings,
now he can’t even lift his eyelids as we make eye contact across the lunchroom.  
I said I could talk to animals and now I speak more to my dog than to my father.  
We said we had superpowers.  
Everyone has a superpower.
I don’t even have to be drunk not to feel anything.

I was voted most likely to rule the world by my class.
I didn’t even think people knew I existed.
I talk to a boy who is so far away and as he claims he will see me soon I can’t help but think the future he speaks of when he’s high is nothing but a pipe dream.
Doesn’t he know that I’m destined to rule the world?
Doesn’t he know I have superpowers?  
Doesn’t he know that on that night they forgot me 7 years ago I learned that my home wasn’t on the right?
Or the left?
Doesn’t he know that I’m lost?

You walk into a highschool and bam masked ball. You've got the cheer leader,the jocks,and the popular *******. Now look or here you've got the group separations. Now listen to the words the words being said. They are bullets to a heart a heart that is breaking. Everyone around us has to many labels to put everyone in. We are all out on groups by a look ,a stare,or an interest. If you are actually committed to school work cause you want to be something your the nerd or the form of the school. If you are aad then happy the next your bi polar. If you are to happy you have to be on something. If you cry ever and I mean EVER your a cry baby. If you laugh a lot or make the jokes you have to be the class clown. If you wear the brand new jeans and have the new Jordan's in the store you have to be popular. If you like acting you have to be dramatic. If you actually show emotions your the emo freaks. If you get an A on that paper people all look at you like you did something wrong because they aren't as smart as you. Everyone wonders what's wrong with these kids. Oh I don't know everyone's thrown into a labeled group and that's what you become. We change our whole life to impress a person to get out of a group we are in. Even in life, you live in a place and you are depicted by your address. You are justified by how proper you are. Everyone has their way to demean a person more and more because they feel they have the power to do so. Since when was this a human right,to take the words we do have a right to use and make these words into knifes towards other people. You don't know that persons story nor their feelings or hurt. If everyone took one day to take a break from placing people into these groups maybe you could finally began to implement the slightest bit of realization and peace. But who would do that? Take a day to give that person a break, they are all to far up in statistical ******* to realize how much hurt they are protraying

-lovey

Missing the feel
Of a blade on my wrist.
Missing the sting
Of where the metal has kissed.

But I'm over six months clean
And my friends are finally proud.
I guess I'll push this down some more
To keep these voices from getting loud.

You didn't have to do it
it gets easier down the road
despair is but a signal
slow it down and ease your load

but you did it
I wish you wanted me to know
and now, as I walk on
I find it hard to even go

Don't give me excuses
Because of you I want to die?
I shake my head. No, I'll live
and I don't have to know why

I just know
I cannot die as yet
its one thing I cannot forget.
But the one thing that I wish I could
is the thought of you
and why you would.