Do you ever feel TOO alive?

This is just the beginning

Soaring high
Oh so high
Strung out for days

Till the comedown cries

Lay back a ton
of my body parts
I weigh a ton

Spark a fro

Give myself the head change
This color stained

The river under my skin
Strong willed would be nice
Overcome now

Everyday cravings
Got me going crazy
Got me willing
Thinking to myself maybe
Just maybe
I'll make it
Passing thoughts of suicide
Closing doors
Open my mind

There's crumbs, all over my computer, all over my pants, all over
Me
Entropy, the natural state is it?
Humans attempting to force the unnatural?
The little graham ******* crumbs,
nothing keeping them together
anymore
But still, each individual crumb upon my lap houses millions of billions of trillions of
Individual pieces, that house
And so on               and                  So forth
Till you get to atoms
And eventually,
quarks

But, is it worth,
Looking, thinking, so infinitesimally small
When,
We've got bigger matters on our plate?
Things so large, red, and shiny, that they take up all the space
Except the little cracks that we miss,
Forget,
Or don't care about altogether

Because we've got bigger fish to fry


Right?
But then,
If we always keep chasing the dragon,
Won't we miss the shooting star lighting up the sky for just a moment?

cigarettes make me feel better about abandoning you
I want a jeep because of when you would drive your mom's
and play rap songs
I want to be what I thought you were

it was a normal day.
the lighter never slipped my fingers,
never once did I slip through my hits.
I sat against the wall thinking it was gonna rain.
it didn’t, but my world still came crashing
everything started spinning
i was watching myself do things that weren’t real
I told myself ‘no, this is real. I’m doing normal things’
I’d look up, and i was somewhere else
somewhere not familiar
some place that was so scary that I could no longer breathe
i’d look down at the real ground, knowing i was back
it was normal again
however when I’d look up, it was a different time
a different day
a different reality
what was happening?
I was so lost, I couldn’t remember
who I was, where I was
the only thing I could do after staggering into the car
was to stare outside
focus on what I knew was real
but then someone would say something
and I was lost again
seeming endless
hopeless
I wanted to die
I was tearing up every 30 seconds
soon I was at the park
breathing again
arguing with jonathan
about how his beliefs were wrong
I was back
everything was ok
I needed a break from this
I got home, safely,
shook up, and scared
but it was alright
everything was alright

She is like an indie film played backwards, just a bunch of beautiful pictures.
And her eyes roll like rizla between the italian mans fingers.
She smokes with pouted lips, as if ready to kiss her lover.
She looks the same when he pulls on her hair and glides his tongue over the skin of her neck.
And she smiles the same smile when his teeth graize her *******.
Her eyes also roll when his hands hold onto her waist and she remembers the lipstick stain she left on the end of her cigarette.
She leaves the same stain on the rim of his .... forefinger.
‘I don’t know why I like you so much.’ He whispers into her curls.
‘It’s because I remind you of hash and tobacco.’ She replies.