I'm sorry
Sorry I"m not everything I was supposed to become
Sorry I didn't turn out perfect like you wanted me to
And not a day goes by that I don't remember
The pain littered in my memories
And the dreams of a little girl
With my heavy heart I lay her to rest now
Her dreams dies with her and there's no going back now

It feels like there’s a noose around my head
Just hoping
Wishing
Praying , I was dead
No matter how many times I pull
It doesn’t move
I’m just staring with a blank expression
The pain I’m feeding on is food
Too many times I’ve given you my ammo
Watch you load up my own gun
Too many times I helped you pull the trigger
Even on your own sun
And now
All the pain I’ve been suppressing
Is going to fire back
It’s not fun being a young gay girl
In this world who’s black

It's funny, isn't it?
How your whole life can change
within a matter of seconds.

It's funny, isn't it?
How you can be living your life
and through a string of choices,
you end up in a place
you never thought you'd be.

It's funny, isn't it?
How one day, your heart
can be light as a feather
and the next, it's like the entire world
is weighing you down.

You'll never notice
That my heart lays heavy on my chest
And that makes it harder

A drudge to life that’s all I am
Day in day out
Living the same boring plan
I need a vent, a spout
somewhere I can let this all out

I’m following the steps
Doing everything right
Why does it feel like there is no meaning to life

Is there anything more
Where is that serendipitous feeling of joy
It seems that there is a missing piece in this ploy

Seeking fulfillment and purpose
Why does g-d start out by hurting us

They say it prepares us
Then why doesn’t g-d just spare us

We strive
We’re deprived
We seek for more
But why and what is life even for

These thoughts go round and round
Just when I think I’m over them
They remind me I’m bound

Bound to time
Bound to life
Bound to something incomprehensible
Why do we have to even live by this principle

Sometimes I’m content
I don’t complain or vent
But then life stands still
And I wonder
do I need to take a pill

Make this all go away
Just one a day
I won’t wonder
I won’t wander
Not one single ponder

Give into the norm
The world is my stage
It’s where I perform

Put on my best face
Follow a steady pace
Day in day out
This is what life is about