It’s easier to be mad at you than it is to admit that I miss you.
It’s easier to pretend to hate you than it is to admit that I love you.

I don’t think you’ll leave my mind any time soon.
Genuinely, You are the stars to my moon.
Honestly, I hope you never will; I hope it just gets easier on my heart.
I patiently wait to hear from you still, which honestly sounds really stupid—I swear to God, I’m actually pretty smart.

It may not seem that way because you’ve turned my world upside down.
I promise I don’t typically walk around with a constant frown.

I’m fine, really. I’m just trying to heal.
Most of the time, my brain tries to convince me that you’re not even real.

You see, my brain does this thing where it makes me forget.
You’d think that would be helpful during hard times like this.

And although it can be helpful, it also really hurts.
Because I don’t want to forget you,
Remembering that you exist keeps me from living in the dirt.

Okay, that may be dramatic, but I can’t really help it.
I’ve always had emotions too strong to control, but I’m trying my best to deal with it.

They say it’s a superpower, and I swear I’m trying to believe them.
Because honestly, it mostly feels like a curse, not a hidden gem.

My emotions have always controlled me, so I’m trying my best to learn to control them.
I figure it’s the best way to solve most of my problems.

You see, I am emotional, loving, and kind.
But most people don’t know that because I don’t let them into my mind.

But you? You’re stuck there. Like I said, you live rent-free. But I need to try to move on because I also understand that I need to let you be.

We both have demons that we’re fighting with every day.
Although I wish I could be there to help you fight yours,
I don’t want to stand in your way.

In the way of happiness,
The way of a future with her.
You see, I’d rather you be happy, even if it’s not with me—
Even though you are my clarity while everything else is a blur.

You see, that coping mechanism that I mentioned,
The one about subconsciously forgetting?
Yeah, well no matter how hard I’ve tried to fix it, I can’t; which is extremely frustrating and upsetting. Honestly, mostly I just find it so ******* confusing. I don’t ever have control over it, but I guess my feelings for you are the reason it’s diffusing.

When it comes to you, it’s hard to forget anything you said. When you spoke, it’s like my brain was writing down notes by carving them into my head.

Like, I remember your middle name and that you were born in March.
I even remember the color of your eyes and the way your smile has a slight arch.
You see, you mostly sent me pictures of your smirk, and I think I know why.
You’re busy fighting your demons so much,
Trying your best to forget, even if that means getting high.

So, you can’t genuinely smile much because you’re in so much pain.
I can relate and it makes my heart hurt,
And I wish I could help take it all away.

I could write for hours about you, but I should let my brain rest.
As I mentioned, you’re living rent-free in my head,
And I need to get some energy for tomorrow.
You see, every day I’ve really been failing the “I don’t miss you” test.

Blocked. In that moment, it felt like the world was crashing down around me. I wondered if our paths would ever cross again, praying that maybe, just maybe, you might change your mind. Every connection to you vanished, leaving only the pictures behind. I’m not angry, not even a little. I understand that you feel this is the only way to find space. It’s your instinct to run, and it’s mine to chase, even if every path leads to a dead end. The silence of the room feels deafening now, no notifications, no sound of your voice, just my thoughts, growing louder by the second. Being without you is like gazing at a night sky lit only by the moon, the stars nowhere to fill the void. It’s like hearing your favorite song with missing lyrics, wanting to sing along, but it doesn’t feel right. I know you don’t need me here, but I want to be. I wanted to be your anchor in the fiercest storms, the ears that listened to every worry, the heart that healed with yours. Push me away, shut me out as many times as you need, just as long as you come back. My love for you transcends every wall, every barrier, every goodbye. Even if this truly is the last one, you’ll always have a place deep within my heart and soul. I’ve grown with you. And while I may not be the best version of myself, you’ve made me better. Your touch has healed pieces of me that I thought were irreparable, fragments broken by years of hurt and trauma. You deserve peace, happiness, and pride in who you are. Even if we never speak again, I hope one day you’ll see yourself the way I see you: extraordinary, strong, beautiful, and irreplaceable. I hope this isn’t the end as my love for you is eternal. Even when the candle burns out, its remnants can be molded into something lasting, something strong. And so will my love for you remain, shaping itself into eternity.

Your heart is so loving, so beautiful, so kind.
There’s not a single day now that goes by
That you’re not on my mind.

You’ve touched me in ways I’ve never been touched before.
You’ve touched me, yet you’ve never actually touched me before.
By that, I mean my soul felt found, as it’s always been lost.
I understand that putting yourself out there comes with a cost.

I am so thankful you exist and that our lives somehow crossed paths. I will miss seeing your smile; I will miss hearing you laugh.

My heart is bruised, my stomach in knots.
Many other people are shooting their shot,
But my basket is moving, swerving all of the *****.
I’m no longer interested in entertaining others;
I hope one day your heart calls.

You live rent-free in my head.
I think about you 25/8—if that even exists.
Who knows? You could be my soulmate.

I’ll never forget you, and boy, I don’t want to.
I hope one day you’ll let me love you.
You’ve made a dent in my brain the size of a crater.
This isn’t “goodbye”; this is simply “see you later.”

She told me she remembers fondly when she looks back
And I'm glad she has that but I have enough phantoms in my past
And I still remember the way she looked standing in the window hair halo'd with light smile sun dappled as she laughed
But nothing lasts
So im left alone again and fractured as if nothing mattered
Just another **** regret
Damage collateral

Seeds scattered
gather the courage
to germinate, emerge
as fertile, verdant trees
of evergreen and birch,
breeze's tease and flirt
enough to render
Earth fractured–
shattered.

Underneath the dirt
remorse's corpse interred,
lurking thoughts linger,
yet something within me
still stirs and burns;
searching the surface
for touch, tender.

Heart murmurs
but not as
a murmuration of starlings depart,
more like crows murdered;
buzzards, vultures circling birds
conjured–
the curse unburied torture,
no dying words in final dirge
and yet it yearns
for yesterday's return.

Memories my mind blurs,
senses fervently usurped–
but time can never
be reversed,
this cistern's nature
gushing to a turbulent river,
water's surging,
turgid current, pure;
about to die of thirst,
this dam soon fills to burst,
my love i spill and purge
as i remember her.

I was an earlier version
of an imperfect person,
a scourge
of that I stand assured,
but this pain is
terminal,
permanent,
and the only cure
is her laughter,
rapture,
or feeling
fragile fingers,
shelter–
you certainly weren't the first heartbreak I've had
but **** it hurts the worst.

Loneliness lamented,
never exempt from
tremendous emptiness,
relentless against
hellbent descent
of my own invention;
entrenched in
mental torment
taking up every tenement residence,
detention condemns.

But
mid November
summer still incenses,
in sun scented
memories
tempted by your
gentlest remnants
still renders me
senseless.

Daydreamt,
ephemeral,
almost replenishes and mends
until
heart hemorrhaging
becomes a
drenching tempest,
like a fist clenching
tension
holding onto your
absence
and some semblance of
what you meant
and yet
goodbye
you went
again.

Oh, cut me loose from these chains of love,
My mind is numb and my heart is broken,
To you I am a stranger, to me you are the only love of my life,
The girl of my dream in my dreams,
You have become my daily routine, my dose,
I'll  let my mind be consumed by what it desires the most,
Have I ever crossed your mind?
Oh, cut me loose from these chains of love.

Watch me pick pieces
Cardiac geometry
Repair rut you ripped