Daylight emanating coils of uncertainty from within myself
Trajectory for unwavering retribution
I am lost among the crevices thy mind creates, etching fabrications with regression
U n w o r t h y
U n l o v e a b l e
F a t


Grievances I whisper from blanketed sheath depression
Thoughtless lies birthed onto soft flesh and bone
I am worth......
                                         less.

Damage inflicted, heartbroken thoughts coveted blissful time spent among your breath.

Unkind to myself during depressive episodes, clockwork fabrications intertwined rationality.
Those become a new truth forging insecurities of panhandle insecurities



You are more than the darkness surrounding you.

Your eyes were my own private river, bathing in the ring of blue around your iris. Enamored with the greenery protected by your eyelashes.
November to February not long enough to drown beneath them

I am plagued by the ghost of your reassuring caress
Your breath during nighttime a missing comfort
For alone I am surrounded by darkness.
Moments spent cradling cobwebs of each-others limbs
Intricate designs casting from our bodies as we felt like one in the same.
Our allure as a couple outshone the mundanes of just a ****** attraction
My soul felt yours
                                          







         ­                                     but I am alone,
                                                    
     ­                                          with the overbearing grief of love lost.




                                                       ­                                  March 16th, 2020



          Darling,
                                      please find your way back home.

Take my body and undo the damage
I've done to myself.
Please let me love myself
like you once pretended to do.

You can’t see how my heart
Splinters into a thousand pieces
Raining down, stabbing me from the inside out
As you show her your portfolio

An easygoing smile on your face, you are glowing
As they all bathe in your sunshine
I don’t exist
Why did you ask me to come?

You won’t touch me, I’m a ghost to you
Condemned to watch you bless everyone with gold
To everyone but me
Is this my penance?

I smile, numb myself, change the subject
Look at the magnets on the fridge
I say I’m tired, I’m surprised when you ask me to stay
Is it to let you punish me even more?

On the G I start to choke on a shard lodged in my throat
The world is spinning
I think you forget how big you are
How small I feel around you.

" Life is not what it seems,
People keep changing & heart gleams.
The person whom I trusted a lot,
Politely denied in the heart even a smaller slot.

Ready to go on for a new adventure,
Hoping for someone there to nurture,
But the thing I always get is mere torture.

It wasn't my fault, that others came closer,
Still adore you with full heart,
At the end, you ended it with a seizer."

Is it true that I've had enough of you,
Will I ever go back with a guilt within me..
Do these words mean nothing to you anymore,
Or is it just me left alone in this love..

Though it hurts inside,
I shall wear it with a smile,
For I will never let you see,
The scars your love caused me.

I close my eyes to see the past flash by,
All I see is your faithless accusing eyes.
A pang of regret eats my mind for all that time,
all of me,my heart, and my precious prime.

Though it hurts inside,
I shall wear it with a smile,
For I will never let you see,
The scars your love caused me.

Someday you will eat the words you threw at me,
have a door slammed shut right across your face,
That would probably be the day you realize,
what goes around does indeed come around.

Though it hurts inside,
I shall wear it with a smile,
For I will never let you see,
The scars your love caused me.

I walk  out with my head held so high,
For you're the one that lost in the battle of this love,
blinded by your ego and wallowed in your self worth,
while I wear the scars your love caused me,
with a smile right across my face.

how can you go from pouring your heart out into me
to mopping up the mess as though it never happened

we were so far no ruler could measure
exactly how far our hearts and minds were from one another.

You let me fall deep.
Deep into your ocean.
Where the sun rays shimmered,
like distant stars.
And the stillness
felt safe
wrapped around my body.

You let me fall deep.
So that I could not feel
the changing tides
or the crashing waves
as they breached upon
your shores.

Now I've been cast out
by the currents
I did not know you had
Left exposed and uncertain
to the waters that lie ahead.

And as I find my way
out of your ocean.
I wonder,
if I was not meant to stay
why did you let me
fall
so
deep.