Our actual presence here is mystery
And do we really want to know
Why we live, why we die ?
Is it really worth it ?

I'm confronted to death all the time
My work englobes taking care of pain
But I can't manage mine
And now, I'm the family of the dead.

What do say to someone who's now alone ?
Where do we go after we're dead ?
"Did he suffer, when he died ?" How do I know ?
And why do we really want to know ? What if it's yes ?

What is life ? What's the purpose of living?
Don't you wanna try, living a dead's life ?
What does he see now, where did he go ?
I just wish him to be in peace.

We kissed us
A fine windy evening
So warm and gentle, yet thrilling
We grasped, we held, we touched

It felt quite eloquent
We tasted each other bitterness
And sensed each pain we had
We mourned, we grieved, we gnawed

We had our eyes slightly closed
Time's told to stop ambling
The universe dropped dead
As goddesses were gazing

We kissed us
We collated each other laxity
We created another rhapsody
We possessed as we became one

Jan, 28 2016.

Red as you bleed to death,
Red as you grieve for help.

nightmare kissed me
until I wake up
with swell on my eyes
and thunderbolt in my chest
cause though you're not around
I still recall your kind face
but I wonder how can
the sun still smiles without you
like any other pretty days?
then it got me thinking,
one day,
will I be
*forgotten too?

can I have
just a day of our time
maybe a walk in the park
or a coffee with heavy talk
just a moment of us
watching comedy on YouTube
laughing until we choke an icecube
just a ceremony for you or me
when I exchange vows with him
or when your son turned three
just one
just one more
of you,
brother

thinking back now
you are gone, now
no more birthdays to celebrate
no more parties to cheer on
no more jokes to laugh at
together with you
no more you
no more me too

I grieve you
the way I grieve my last cigarette
knowing I'll have another
and another
and another
but I grieve him
the way I grieve the very last
knowing I'll spend eternity
searching for
just
one
drag

I saw a picture of you and me together,
And I realized that I'll never  hold you like that again.

You'll never be there to hide my pain behind violent bouts of laughter;
Your warm neck will never offer me comfort anymore.

Of course, I was sad,
But then I wondered, why?
Why should I be sad when you're not here?
When you don't exist anymore?
When all the atoms that made up you are in the mud
Just like you wanted?

Of course, you didn't deserve to go,
But then I wondered, why?
Why should you not go to the place where we all will be eventually?  
When that is where you were gonna end up anyway?
When you knew that you had someone to love and be loved by
Just like you wanted?

Of course, everyone tells me it's okay to grieve,
But then I wondered, why?
Why should I be sad about something I knew would happen?
Something that I had been preparing for?
Something that would take all your woes and miseries away
Just
Like
You
Wanted?

I'm sorry that you grieve
As I take my leave
This my sacrifice
Should it suffice
Even if it meant
That you would resent

Use me,
Abuse me,
Don't look at me,
Just through me.
Force yourself
Ontop of me,
Then let me grieve
Quietly.
I lay there crying,
Soaking the sheet,
The uneasiness within me
Starts to repeat.
Hit me,
Quit me,
Don't love me,
Don't lust me.
Break me,
Shake me,
For God's sake,
Heartbreak me.
Tell me when it's over,
Tell me when you're done,
And as long as I'm crying,
Just know that you have won.
My body's weak;
You make it weaker,
But you keep taking,
You push deeper.
And then at once,
You're up and gone,
They ask for a description,
I tell them, *"the Devil's spawn".